Painted Lady {h.s}

hunger

★ LORELAI ★

September 16th
1997

The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and today is good.

I roll out of bed, feeling more refreshed than I have in ages. It seems as though I haven't gotten a good night's sleep since Harry and I have been apart. But that all changes soon. I plan on booking my flight out to wherever they are today and surprising him. I can't wait to see his face, and hear his voice. The way it jumps a few octaves when he's shocked, and the deep carve of his dimples on his cheek We'll spend all night in eachothers arms, and that'll be it. We will be happy and together again. My body is filled with nervous butterflies just thinking about it.

The test I took the other day was negative.

I felt as though I could've fainted just looking at the single red line on the stick. Relief flooded my body, making me almost lightheaded. It's been so hard not to scream it from the rooftops, or even call Harry up and tell him. I want that to be a surprise too. I did call Faye, forcing her to keep it between us, and she had a bigger reaction than me.

I just haven't felt this at ease, this happy, in a while. And I can't wait to get back to my friends, get back to the live music and hectic lifestyle.

I trot out of my room, an extra pep in my step today. I have a daily ritual of making myself a scalding hot cup of coffee and shuffling through the piles of mail we receive. So, I make my way to the kitchen, firing up the coffee pot and grabbing my lucky butterfly mug. I wait impatiently for the coffee to brew, just staring at the single drops that pour down into the mug before the stream starts. The smell of coffee has recently become a favorite of mine, as it represents the start of a new day. It's my hour of peace and serenity. Sitting in the silence and reading through bank statements. That's what adulthood is really about.

I grab my mug of coffee and place it on the kitchen island. Now this is the part of my routine Harry wouldn't agree with. I reach into the fridge and grab out the flavored coffee creamer, walking it over to the island and pouring a hefty amount inside. Harry always made fun of how much sweetener I add to my coffee, since he drinks it black. So, on the days when I am missing him more than usual, I endure the bitterness and drink my own coffee without any cream or sugar.

I take my mug and walk it to the living room, placing it down on the coffee table. I walk over to the door to retrieve mail that has been shoved underneath. I lean down and scoop it all up in my arms, a giddy feeling in my chest knowing there's a lot to go through. I skip back to the couch and throw my body down onto it. The pile of mail sits in my lap as I lean forward to grab my coffee, taking the first sip and sighing in contentment.

I flip through the envelopes and poly mailers, my eyes scanning over every name that these are addressed to. At the back of the stack, I find my favorite piece of mail in the stack.

BIG! magazine.

My all-time favorite gossip magazine ever. I've been subscribed to their mailing list for years and I love whenever I get a new issue in. I have a stack of them sitting in my room with all of my favorite cover stars displayed accordingly. I toss the rest of the mail to the side and instantly start my delve into the gossip.

I flick through the boring pages and the advertisements, my eyes scanning for the real juicy stuff.

And then time stops. My lungs give out and my heart ceases to beat. My eyes stay trained to the page, not being able to look away. It's like witnessing a car crash. It's a horrible and horrific thing that you just can't tear your eyes away from. I don't even stare at the words on the page, only the pictures. I feel violated by seeing myself on the page when I didn't know anyone was looking. A box of pregnancy tests in hand and an anxious look on my face.