Soar High Little One

[18] Halfway There.

'When you have a dream, you have to grab it and never let go.'

Chaemin's POV

I'm officially at JYPE trainee and I absolutely love it. I know I still have a long way to go, I'm still a newbie at dancing and singing but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to build up my skills. Who knows, I might be the next Twice Jihyo.

Three months into trainee life has made me realise that I really have a lot to work on. I've received criticisms and compliments during lessons but it's all part of the process so I'm okay with it. I've made new friends and I realised that juggling between trainee and student life is tough but if it's the path I want to take then, I'll deal with the challenges I face.

JYP PD nim announced during one of our lessons that there will be a JYP Trainee showcase coming up soon. It's for the trainees to experience what it's like to be on stage and gain some exposure and all the trainees can participate whether or not we are experienced enough.

I'm excited at the thought of it. I've been wishing to be on stage again. If this showcase will let me feel that spark again, I am more than thrilled to be working alongside these trainees. We have about a week and a half to prepare 2 songs.

Our teachers are stricter on us, knowing that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for us to perform on stage, not knowing what the future may hold for us. I must say though that I feel a little more pressured these few days. Most of the trainees are older than me and way way experienced and skilled.

I'm always lacking behind so I often stay up late at the trainee practice room to practise once everyone leaves. The older trainees think I'm trying to be suck up by practising longer and all that but really, I just want to do my best and not let the team down.

Omma and Appa don't like the idea of me always staying up late because I have to wake up early to head to school. There were days when I wake up late because I overslept and affected my perfect attendance record at school.

But Omma and Appa know how much this concert means to me and so they were lenient on me this time round.

It's day 6 and we only have about 3 days left of practise before performance day. We have memorised 85% of the dance but I feel like I'm still lacking behind so I stayed back.

The amount of sweat and tears have been insane the past few days. I thoroughly enjoy what I'm doing but it's exhausting. As a nine-year-old, I should have more energy but I'm exhausted. I'm burnt out. As I kept going and going, I could only recall the harsh comments my senior trainees and teachers kept throwing at me.

Don't use the excuse that you are the youngest. Where's your energy?! Why are you always so weak? Come on Chaemin, focus! Can you please keep up, we are all trying our hardest here!

I refused to take any breaks. I kept going and going. Nothing was stopping me at this point. I just want to do well and make no mistakes. I know I can do it. I can't let myself and everyone else down.

"AGHHH!" I squealed in pain.

"Not again. Please. Not now. Not now!" I got down on my knees, begging for the excruciating pain in my head to stop.

But it didn't go away. With my hands supporting my head, my lower body grew weak as I was unable to withstand the pain. The past few times were bearable but this time, it was just far too painful. The pain multiplied.

With my stomach feeling weird, I began vomiting - releasing everything there was in my stomach. With all the energy I got from vomiting taken up, my body grew weaker. Too weak to even support myself right now.