⛓𝓙𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓤𝓼⛓ ʲᵃᵈᵉⁿ ʰᵒˢˢˡᵉʳ

Trying 0.9

It's been three months. I've been trying to contact Jaden but everything I do leads me to a dead end. He hasn't posted at all and won't respond to my DMs. I'm worried. I thought maybe I could get over it but it doesn't seem to be heading that way.

Jasper isn't doing well either. He has nightmares a lot, I don't know what they're about but he screams in his sleep sometimes. I don't know what to do. I've been seeing a therapist, I'm having nightmares too. I need him and he's not here.

I've been trying my best to take care of Jasper on my own. Yes, Ant helps as much as he can but he doesn't have the patience for Jasper like I do. I thought about trying to find someone else but the thought of loving someone the way I love him seems impossible to me. I'm trying so hard and yet I feel like I'm failing. My life is falling apart, I don't have friends, I barley have family and half of me left. I feel empty. How do people do this, it's so fucking hard.

I hope Jaden doesn't feel this way. I hope he's doing better now, I hope he's with a new girl and they have that connection I miss so much because even if I'm heartbroken, I don't want him to be. I am losing myself without him. I try my best to hold it together for Jasper and Anthony but I know they can both tell I'm falling apart. The worst part is, i haven't seen my son smile in months. And I miss it. I wish I could do something about it but I can't and that makes everything worse. I hope he's smiling though, Jaden deserves to be happy. I know he didn't leave us to benefit himself but I hope that decision made everything easier. I hope he isn't hurting.

I know he won't answer when I call him but sometimes I do it just to hear his voice. It's the same everytime "so it's me. I probably just didn't want to talk to you to be honest but Incase this call was important you can leave a message if you want I don't care" It brought comfort to me in a way. I even saved old voice mails he sent me. Sometimes I'd listen to them when I was really missing him. I wish he would answer one day. I don't think I could ever find someone who made me feel the way he did. I'm losing myself more and more each day and I know it but I can't help it. I hate seeing Jasper this way and I hate him seeing me in the state I'm in. I'm lost.

I never want to be with anyone else ever again and it sucks that I realized that too late. I can't get him back no matter how hard I try, everything seems so dull and lifeless when he's not around.

-JADEN-

It's been three whole months but everyday I wake up and forget that she's gone. I'm a wreck. I miss her so much, everytime she calls I have to remind myself that I can't answer. Even though I want to just hear her voice again. Just once. I've been trying to keep track of her Instagram but she stopped posting a month ago. I hope she's ok, I hope her and Jasper are doing better. She deserves it. I hope she found someone who can treat her well, I hope she's truly happy. Even if I can't be there. I'm trying to get over it, but staying in this motel doesn't help. I hate it here. It's all I've got right now but it's horrible. I've been having nightmares lately. I have dreams that Sam and Jasper got into a crash and I never kno, I've had dreams that Sam's dead and Jasper has nobody to take care of him. It worries me but I honestly am willing to suffer if it means they're ok...I hope that they're ok.

Kk that was hella short but it's because I wanted to have a transition into the next chapter which is a very important chapter.<3