Break the Glass (Book 3)

Stalemate

Visiting hours ended.

I could barely focus while I was driving home.

Kirstie does have me in a stalemate. I can either risk being betrayed again and keep my friends safe, or avoid the risk of betrayal and let them die.

I had to pull over at a gas station because my head was too foggy and my emotions too heavy.

I rested my forehead against the steering wheel and breathed heavily.

I remembered the pain of that night. It wasn't like any kind of pain I had ever felt.

My friend was just using me. I felt like my existence was useless; unless it needed to be used, only to be useless once the next person was done with me.

I felt... alone. Even though I knew I still had Kevin and Scott and Avi, I just felt like I had no one left to comfort me.

I was angry. So. Freaking. Angry.

How can people do this to others? Trick them into a false sense of security then stab them in the back?

How can they take that trust and shatter it like glass?

How can they lead someone on like that? How could they just string them along and then cut it and let them fall?

I closed my eyes as my throat closed up. I let out a sob.

I don't want to feel that pain ever again.

I can either avoid it like a coward or face it again with a brave face or a fake smile.

I don't want to feel the pain of losing a friend again, either.

When the police called me and told me Alex had been called, I just sat down on my bed and let my phone fall from his head.

I was shaking uncontrollably. I panted and hugged my knees to my chest, bawling like a baby.

I grabbed a fistful of my sweatpants and tried to stop crying. But I couldn't. Alex was gone. His body may not even be cold yet.

I knew I needed to find Scott and comfort him; he needed it more than I did.

I could hear him from his bathroom. I could hear his screaming and cursing and wailing. I could hear the heartbreak in his voice.

I can't imagine the pain Scott went through that day. Neither do I want to.

But if I face that pain of betrayal again, I won't have to.

All this life is is pain. (A/N: I really hate that sentence bc of the two 'is's. I hate the English language. A/N over. You may continue reading.) We were born into this painful world through our mother's pain.

Then we get carpet burns on our doughy little knees as we crawl in our early infancy.

We fall when we try to walk.

We fall when we try to run.

We fall when we try to love.

We just... fall.

And we feel the pain that follows.

I can either choose pain or pain.

But I'm not sure which degree I can choose.

I can either feel the pain of my own foolishness for trusting Kirstie...

Or feel the pain of my best friends' death. I'll never see them again. And it would be my fault. Because I was foolish enough to trust Kirstie.

I can't trust her. I just can't. There's too many consequences, it's just too risky.

This is so hard. I can't do this. I can't.

I'm full out sobbing now. I'm worried my crying is audible enough for the patrons to hear. Then they'll ask me what's wrong. I can't tell them. And I can't lie to them either. I've already told more than enough lies.

I put my fist in my mouth in hopes that it'll make my crying less audible.

Someone could see me.

I leaned forward and buried my face in my hands.

After a while I calmed down a bit. I had run out of tears to cry, and I had gotten the hiccups somewhere along the way.

I sighed and gripped the steering wheel, beginning the rest of the journey home.

~

"Hey, you're ba--" Scott began, but my eyes must've been red and puffy because he ran to my side. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"I don't know," I muttered, rubbing my eyes and sniffling. "I'm just... confused."

"Can I help?" Scott asks, his deep blue eyes filled with concern.

I shook my head. "You wouldn't understand. Thanks for the offer."

I turned and began to walk to my room.

Scott must've been stunned because it took him a moment for him to catch up. I don't blame him. I would always cry on his shoulder and stay up all night talking with him whenever I was having a rough time.

"Mitch... If it's about your life behind the glass... I know I won't understand but. I want to help you in any way I can." Scott says.

I closed my eyes and breathed out slowly.

"You're my best friend, Mitch. You know that."

I nodded. "Of course I do. I've always known." I licked my lips. "But... I don't want you to see you get hurt, Scott. I would never forgive myself if something ever happened to you. Even if you just got a tiny scratch. I care about you too much."

I heard Scott sigh.

I walked to my room.

Scott doesn't follow me.

____________

Sorry for the shorter chapter but I hope y'all liked this one!

-Spontaneous_Soprano