The Letters He Never Sent || Minsung

18

I grab the letter of my doorstep and head inside as quick as I can. I drop everything in my arms as I head to the table, opening the seal as I walk across the room.

I sit down at the table, pulling out the letter as carefully as I can. I start to read immediately.

Dear Minho,
From, your boyfriend.

Like the name? Because I know I do.

Oh my god Minho, so much has happened and I don't even know where to start. You make my mind all scattered without even trying, that's the affect you have on me.

So firstly, when you caught me working on everything for the school dance. I have to admit, I might be working too hard on this. It isn't even this month and I am already to stressed about it.

I have to complete everything, because I am the literal only person who is good at planning. Sometimes i think I do everyone else's work on the council, even if I am not even assigned too.

I am super excited for the dance, however. Because it is the biggest event the school has ever had and i and the one planning it. I don't think I'm nervous, if anything I'm more excited.

Wait, do I ask you if you want to be my date or do you ask me if I want to be your date?

I think I'm going to wait for you to ask me. I know I have weeks to wait, but if you don't ask anytime in the next 4 weeks I'm going to ask you one night on our date.

However, I think now that we are dating I'm automatically your date to everything. I can't believe we are officially dating. I think I really like you, like a lot.

However, let's get to the main point of today. The best thing that has happened to me. The words we shared at the river. I will always remember that.

I shocked myself to be honest. I didn't know how or why, but I just felt in the moment it was the best time to express everything. Especially with the building tension between us from Halloween.

I meant every single word I said today. I would let you do absolutely anything to me, I would let you completely shatter me. Even if you don't show me the same love, I would. That sounds ill, but I would.

After our confession at the river, when we were heading to your house, all I could think about was the question of what we were going to be now. I have to admit that I was nervous.

I was nervous that maybe, just maybe, there was a possibility that you might not walk to be with me. It might me way to early, but with the time we have spent together I feel like it is just the right time for us.

When we entered your bedroom, the silence was defeating. Absolutely, with out a doubt, defeating. I remember how awkwardly I sat down on your bed, how awkwardly you sat down next to me. I don't know if you noticed, but I was practically peeling my lips.

But then, you started to giggle. I don't know why you were giggling, but it made me feel better. I liked the way you looked at me at that moment. Your cheeks were read, and your smile was heaven like.

I smiled just by seeing you.

I know I don't have to go into full detail about what happened, since you experienced it too. But, when you asked me if I wanted to be yours, I knew that I wanted you to be mine

Yours, and mine.

I like that. I like you, Minho. A lot more than I ever wished, just like I told you when I confessed.

I promise that no matter what happens to me, no matter what happens to you, I will always love you the same way.

There are some people who come into your life purely to show you love, to get you to experience love. And you, Minho, have to be that person. I don't know how long you will stay, I hope it will be forever, but I know that I love you.

Even when I physically cant.

Love,
Your boyfriend.

I can feel my heart yearning for him by the end of the letter. I wish i could go in the other room, where my one and only husband would be sitting, and give him a hug as I read his love letters for me.

I wish things didn't end the way they did, I wish we had more time. I wish in the time I had with him, that I wouldn't have done the things I did. I wish that I would have had a better understanding of everything.

As I sit here, alive and well, I start to realize that it's my fault. It's my fault that he is gone, it's my fault. I drove him away.

I feel my world start to crumble, I feel the tears come. I start to reread the letter again,

Dear Minho,
From, your boyfriend.

Fuck. My boyfriend, my absolutely amazing boyfriend.

It's all my fault my amazing boyfriend is gone.

It all hits me at once, making my heart hurt. I have been nothing but selfish my whole life, and it caused me to drive my boyfriend to his own suicide. I look back at the letter,

I shocked myself to be honest. I didn't know how or why, but I just felt in the moment it was the best time to express everything. Especially with the building tension between us from Halloween.

I meant every single word I said today. I would let you do absolutely anything to me, I would let you completely shatter me. Even if you don't show me the same love, I would. That sounds ill, but I would.

It doesn't sound ill at all, my love. Because I would have done the absolute same for you, and I wish i would have told you.

You didn't deserve this, it should have been me.