The Letters He Never Sent || Minsung

28

Past
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Okay, one last check.

My keys, check.

My phone, check.

My backpack, check.

Homework, check.

Alright, that's all I need. I open the front door, heading outside. I lock the door again and start walking to my car.

"Morning!"

I turn my head to the voice, seeing Mrs. Waller. She is an older lady who lives in my apartment complex, with her husband and there cats. I love her cats, she makes me want to get my own.

I fake a smile to her. "Morning, have a good rest of your day." I wave, then get in my car.

I can see her smile and go back to watering, probably humming an older song like i always catch her doing. Her nurse comes by every morning to care for her husband, so I guess she likes to make the house look pretty before she arrives.

I start my car and begin my car ride to school, trying to prepare myself for whatever I am about to experience today.

I'm feeling better. Better than yesterday, my rest helped me calm down. I'm not feeling so good right now, I have the anxiety feeling. The feeling were your chest is heavy and you just know something is wrong.

I hope me and Jisung will be better today, because I miss him. I promised myself yesterday that I am going to try and become better for him, so he can love me with no regrets. That's all I want.

I pull into the parking lot, parking in a stall way north. I don't like to park close, because my car doesn't need any more scuffs and dents. It's already all scuffed up, I don't need anymore. I need this car to work until I can afford a new one.

I'm getting there, slowly, but surely. I keep getting checks from my parents, I even got a note attached with one of them. I honestly don't even know why they are sending them anymore.

I guess it's because I'm still a minor, and if they don't provide some kind of support; they are done for. My seventeenth birthday was about two months ago, so I have a whole year of check ahead of me.

These checks help pay rent, while the little jobs i do help pay for everything else. If i keep this up, I might have enough for a new car in a couple months.

"Woah." I hear a voice. "Where are you going?"

I look up and see another senior, Changbin. He is one of the kids I tutor, he's not so bright if I'm being honest.

"Inside?" I say.

"Well obviously." He chuckles. "But you seem so out of it, you were being all.. hasty."

I smile. "Yeah, my bad." I say. "Got a lot on my mind."

He smiles. "Well anyway, I need tutoring tonight."

I almost frown, but I hold back. Of course he didn't actually want to hear about anything I have to say, he doesn't even know me. I'm just his tutor.

"I'm busy tonight." I say.
I'm not.

"Oh, what about tomorrow?" He asks.

I took up, thinking. "Yeah I'm busy." I say sarcastically.

He furrows his brows. "I'm starting to think your just saying this because you don't want to tutor me."

I smile at him. "Have a good day." I pat his shoulder.

I walk away from him, heading inside the school. I go to my locker, putting my other books inside and taking out the one I need for first period. When I'm finished, I look around the halls.

I smile when I spot him, my favorite person. I start to slowly walk to him, and he notices me. I don't want to just pop up, because I'm not totally sure he is okay with me doing so.

I finally reach him, so I smile. "Hey, how are you feeling?" I ask.

He shrugs, holding his books to his chest. "I'm okay."

I notice how he shifts on his feet, one titled a bit inwards. He is wearing super baggy clothing, so he looks like a little kid. It's kinda cute, but I don't think that's appropriate to say.

"Are.. we?" I ask, putting my hands into my pockets.

He shifts again, probably uncomfortably again. "Yeah. Are we okay to you?"

He looks up at me with his eyes, which are twinkling. I don't know if it's from them being watery, or something else.

I nod. "We're okay."

I say this unsurely, because I don't know if I even have the right to say this. It's not my call to make, it's completely up to him. And I just hope he isn't saying we are because he wants me to be happy.

He doesn't say anything else, he takes his eyes away from mine. "Can I.." he looks down at the floor. "Can I have a hug?" He asks, then looks back into my eyes.

I smile. I don't say anything, instead I just wrap my arms around him. I feel the familiar warmth again, and it makes me smile.

He snuggled closer to me. "I just wanted your touch again." I hear him mumble. "Even if it's different between us."

He says the last part really quietly, so I almost don't catch it. Based on how quietly he said it, I don't think I should ask what he means by that. I hear him sniffle, so I pull away and look at him again.

Although he avoids my eyes, turning around and heading the other direction. "I'll see you after class."

I nod my head, although I feel stupid afterwards. He didn't even see me, he is out of my sight now. I sigh and decide I should head to my classes, since I missed almost all of them yesterday.

Yesterday left a bad taste in my mouth, but I plan to make today better. I plan to make everything better. Because I have everything I need, and now I just need to keep it that way. Even if I can't, I will try.