Cicatrice

Chapter XXX

QUEEN ESTELLE BELSHAW

"Este, dear. You know I understand how hard it is, but, you must get on to clearing your father's bedroom. The baby will need their own space," Marguerite whispers as she soothes my back with the palm of her hand. 

Staring into her beautiful eyes, I knew she was right. It had been months since father was killed, how long was I going to put off clearing out his room, especially for this baby? I wasn't sure I would be able to confront the scene in his room; I'm not sure how I would feel. 

But I needed to do it; maybe even for the peace of my mind. 

I stare at my now heavily pregnant belly in the golden-trimmed mirror, fulfilling my daily talks with the child inside me. I never thought a mother could form a bond with a baby who wasn't even born yet, but here I was. You would have thought this baby was my best friend and knew my deepest darkest secrets. 

After pacing back and fourth for several hours, I finally got the guts to head into my fathers room for the first time in months; since he died, in fact. With my heart beating rapidly through my chest, I slowly turn the doorknob, to be greeted with an empty, lonesome room right in front of me. 

I feel my heart crack. I didn't know how to feel. I stood still, taking in the sight in front of me. It looked haunted, like father still resided in the armchair, reading some philosophy book and humming with his rounded glasses. It was truly a ghostly scene, sending a shiver up my spine. 

I didn't know where to begin. The room was so full, yet I saw nothing of significance. All that resided was a king-sized bed, an armchair, a wardrobe, a doorway leading to a walk-in wardrobe, and a large amount of dust. It's like father had shown no personality at all after mother had died. 

Maybe that's why he grew to resent me. 

With a few hours passing by me, I make my way into the walk-in wardrobe, noticing underneath a flimsy floorboard. I lean down, struggling with my pregnant belly as I try to observe it. I carefully lift up the floorboard to reveal a stack of photographs that I had never once lied eyes on. 

What I couldn't understand is why he kept it perfectly hidden.

With my legs crossed, I begin to examine the photos. I could tell they had been sitting there for quite some time as the edges were torn, faded and slightly crinkled. That's when I noticed me as a little girl, standing abreast my father, holding his hand. 

With a small smile crossing my lips, I turn to another photograph. Now there were two other people; one towering woman, and another blonde, chubby young boy, close to my age, potentially a little older. I found myself confused on how I couldn't recall this day and why father had kept it hidden. What, or who was he trying to protect? 

What ticked me the most is that I couldn't ask anyone. 

⁂

"Is everything okay Estelle? Do you fancy some tea?" Eddie follows me like a lost puppy. Don't get me wrong, I found it quite comforting that I had him around twenty-four-seven, but I knew, with that being said, eventually, we'd drive each other insane one way or another.

"No, thank you, Eddie," I say politely as he follows me hastily throughout the palace.

Today was one of those days where I had merely desired to be alone; however, I could not have that. 

"But you haven't had tea for a while, the nurse said it's good for the baby, remember?" he nags like a mother, following my every move, like a shadow.

I felt as I were a ticking time bomb, just waiting to explode, and not worried about who was around that I would potentially cause harm to. 

"Really, Eddie, you don't have to take care of me, you're not my husband!" I blurt, feeling my head bubble with anger, my fists turning into balls. The raging hormones inside of me didn't help my case, it was like I had no control. 

I watch as his face falls, his lips turning to a surprised frown. "Is that so? Would you like me to take you back to that loving husband of yours? Is that truly what you want?" he snarls, his eyebrows furrowed in frustration as his eyes become glossy. 

"Could you just leave me alone?"

"No Este, I can't. I almost lost you and I won't risk it again, don't you understand that? Even if this isn't my child,-"

With rage, hormones and frustration bubbling within me, I knew the cap was about to fly off the bottle, and there was simply nothing left I could do to control myself, or my words. 

"It is your child, for chrissakes!" I screech, interjecting him as my hands tug at my hair. I feel a sinking feeling in my chest as I realise what I had just admit. 

I never intended on him to find out this way. 

With his sapphire-eyes widened into spheres, his mouth follows. Silence screams in the echoing halls, deafening our ears. I stare at him with a broken heart. I knew he had felt betrayed by me. 

How could I not have told him all this time?

"That baby..." he begins, his eyes fluttering as he points a finger at my stomach. "Is mine?" he continues, his eyebrows furrowed as furiousness is painted clearly on his face. 

Guilt wraps around me like a mummy as I slowly nod in affirmation, and all I could do now was feel hopeless. 

I couldn't lose Eddie too. 

With his hand forming a fist to his mouth, he breathes in deeply. "So you mean to tell me, all this time, you had been carrying my child. And you never thought to tell me?" he questions rhetorically, no sense of emotion within his voice as he stares blankly at a wall, clenching his jaw. "Jesus, you're a cruel woman," he sneers.

I found myself running into him. "Eddie, I was going to tell you-" I panic, tears in my eyes, but he slaps my hand away in anger. 

"Don't!" he bellows. For a mere moment, his face meet with mine, a look of disgust in his tearful eyes. "How could you keep this from me? Truly?" he whispers, his voice and lips quivering. 

"Please, Eddie, trust me!" I cry.

"Trust you? How can I trust you now? You're carrying my child, and did not even care to tell me," he eyes me up and down with distaste. "Trust is a joke," he snarls his lips quivering before he snatches away his hand, storming off.

Leaving me barren.