Chapter 14 || Mourning Hour

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Your eyelids feel heavy, every blink lasting longer than the last yet despite this and the jabbing ache throughout your body, you still can't seem to sleep. While your body desires it, your mind has other plans, busy reviewing the events of the last twenty four hours in search of something you could've done differently.

You shouldn't have taken Erwin's offer. You should've ignored Furlan's proposition and stayed with your own squad. If you had just been there, you could've protected them. Levi wouldn't have felt the need to leave their sides. You would've been together for that titan attack and you could've come up with some plan to save everyone. Levi, Furlan, Isabell...You've failed all three of them...

Running a hand through your hair, you give a heavy sigh before daring to glance at the empty bed across from you. It's untouched, the covers folded perfectly to military standard, but it wasn't supposed to last. Isabell never liked keeping her bed made. She saw no point in it, insisting beds are meant to be messy because then they're still comfortable to sleep in for the next night.

She was supposed to come home with you, leaping into that bed with her limbs stretched out as she sang her relief for a chance to relax. Contrary to her own words, she'd then talk your ear off for most the night, wondering about your past, how Levi was at her age, and at times asking how you feel about all this Survey Corps crap.

Looking back at it now, you suspect Isabell might've known about your inner turmoil. Maybe she saw how much you were truly enjoying training lessons or your increased friendliness towards other scouts that seemed too real to be completely faked. She knew it before Furlan or Levi could even guess: you had found your belonging in the Survey Corps and she was prepared to follow you throughout anyways...If only she had been smarter.

You give a jolt when hearing a fragile knock at the door. It's late, so you can't imagine anyone coming to bother you, in fact most have avoided you for the rest of the day.

Apparently, word spreads fast in the Survey Corps. By the time dinner rolled around, everyone knew the truth. Their suspicions had been confirmed; that you all joined the Survey Corps just to betray them like the Underground rats you are. They knew Levi attacked Erwin and despite your interference, they heard you at least hesitated, standing in Mike's way to prevent him from getting to Erwin's aid sooner. Who's to say you won't suddenly change your mind and go after him again? What's stopping either of you from attacking anyone here? The Survey Corps is no place for dangerous criminals!

Nevertheless, you decide to pity whoever's brave enough to look a criminal in the eyes, although you still take your time with the matter. Slowly yet surely you push the door open, feeling a mix of emotions in seeing Levi standing on the other side.

"Levi? What are you doing here at this hour? If you get caught-"

"-Can I stay here tonight?" He barely gives you time to question him, his voice cutting through in an instant yet he refuses to so much as glance up at you. Keeping his eyes focused to the ground, his lips are twisted, conflicted over whether this was a bad idea in the first place.

Deciding you could give a shit about the rules right now, you survey the halls before stepping aside to allow him entry which he quickly takes without a word.

"...Couldn't sleep?" You're the one who breaks the silence, walking past him to the dresser where you keep a pitcher of water. Pouring two cups, you wait for a response.

"What kind of question is that?"

"A question," you state simply, handing him one of the water glasses before sitting on the edge of your bed. It's only after taking a small sip to wet your dry throat that you continue, "...It's too quiet tonight. I keep waiting for her to burst through that door and start gushing about how cool the expedition was...It's like I can hear her voice in my ears, but I just can't see her..."

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