How To Paint Love [✔]

🖌 25. Weight of Self-doubt

The class is busy preparing for their presentation since each of us arrived in the room. Some are panicking, some lax. Terrence and I probably belong to the latter.

Our topic doesn't require that many questions, for sure. It's more on explaining so I think we're good to go. The whole period is dedicated to reporting so by the time our turn is done, I take one problem loaded off my mind.

Considering, it is the last class and there are plenty of us, it is inevitable that time is extended to accommodate us all. It is almost six in the evening when the professor dismissed us.

"Want to have dinner together?"

I am ready to leave when my hands pause mid-air from Terrence's invite.

"Huh?"

"Let's have dinner," he repeats.

The weight of the past has been lifted due to our previous conversations, but I just can't forget in an instant.

I've been nursing that pain for years, only to realize it's my fault for misinterpreting. Frankly, it's harder to deal with our current relationship.

It's so easy to dislike him but when it is combined with some feelings that have been bottled and locked deep — one that should have been erased but slowly appears after his confession — how am I going to act around him?

I still need more time to adjust and his presence consistently in close proximity won't help.

"Will you?" he prompts, eyeing me, a little hopeful bassing on the crinkle of his eyebrows.

"Remybear!" Maize's quickly interrupts our staring contest. 

An excuse quickly comes to mind. 

"I'm sorry. I have something with Maize."

She whips her head on me. "You do? But I'm going back to my mom's today? She just called me and I'm here to tell you."

There goes my lie. I clearly see the ends of Terrence's lips slanting.

"Don't laugh," I retort.

He quickly straightens his face while Maize looks back and forth between us.

"I'll go first, okay?" she says but gives me a call sign. "Bye!"

I haven't contacted her over the weekend and I'm still not ready to spill everything. Thankfully, she's cramming the whole morning, having no time for gossip.

"I'll book the restaurant at seven, what do you think?" Terrence says while I watch Maize disappear through the door along with our classmates.

"I haven't even said yes."

"They have a good brownie there," he tempts, making me almost succumb.

"I can buy my own," I reply.

His smile falters a little, his face becoming less assured. "Do you really hate me that much? Can't you cut me some slack, Remy? Just give me a chance to prove to you that you are important to me. I'm already sorry I made you misunderstand and hurt you."

My frown only worsens. Why does he keep condemning himself when it's obvious it has been my fault?

"Stop it." I strap my bag before speaking without looking back. "Come on. You better make sure their food is worth it."

I hear the rustle behind me. My bag suddenly becomes lightweight as he gets it from me.

"Let me," he says.

I pull it back. "I can carry it."

"Just give me this. Don't I always carry your bag before?"

My lips purse, thinking this is one of his actions that made me think he likes me too... 'But maybe he really did?'