PECULIAR

FIVE - I feel alone

                       FIVE

In my room, I felt bad. I felt isolated too.
I myself had shunned visitors from coming to my house. Just couldn't bear the pain and shame. I was like a lady painting the outside wall of her building while the inside remained unpainted.

It got to a point when I wanted to try something stupid as mother always call it but I couldn't. I couldn't bear the guilt of ending my life even after death. I wondered what life in death was all about.

I thought of Peculiar again, even though my eyes weren't concentrated on him, my mind was. I was worried sick. He was still sleeping and smiling.

"Maybe he was having a sweet dream," that's what I choose to believe.

How can he even dream and keep me worried?

I stared at the ceiling as I tried clearing my head. I had so many thoughts on my head - thoughts of Peculiar, Mother and Nelson. I felt crazy.

I felt like I was running mad and it was too much for me to handle. Infact, a good mental appraisal on me would prove that a mad man on the street was equal to me, the only difference being that I knew where I was heading to while the mad man knew not. I was heading towards my doom. Peculiar was my doom.

I knew there was this strange thing about him but I just couldn't lay my hands on it, especially when mom tries calming me down with her usual annoying statement - all would be fine, Nancy.

I was worried, tensed, troubled, panicked, scared, afraid, his smiles threatened me, I got frightened by any slight movements I heard, mother's words left me pale and the worst of it all was that I was hopeless. I had no one to talk to, complain to, rely on or better still confine in.

I worried for myself ALONE. Even though mother and baby were there, I still felt alone. It felt as if the power to decide my fate laid in my hands.

I knew that if drastic actions weren't taken, Peculiar for sure would end me - no doubts. I would die but that was if the thoughts of him hadn't led me to an early grave.

I Know the ball was in my cort and it was left for me to play my games well. Two things were involved, two actions were involved - death or life?

Death being living in this house of torment with two strange beings (mother and peculiar). And life being?

I just couldn't choose the second option and I banished it from my mind. I was confused and knew not what to do.

**************

I walked to the window and laid my back on the wall just close to it. I fixed my gaze on a man and family. With the way they behaved I guessed they were out for shopping or something fun. That family was perfect - I thought, especially when the father helped his wife carry their baby. I sighed and tears ran swiftly down to my cheeks. It was the third day and Peculiar still hadn't woken up.

"Why can't I have a family like that?" I asked pointing to the man and his wife and quickly withdrew my statement as the man slapped the wife and threw the baby at her.
"Maybe all family were like mine."

I shifted my gaze to the door, I had been expecting someone but it seems she wasn't coming, maybe my actions the previous day still hurt her.

I went back to bed to catch some sleep but sleep wasn't coming forth. I finally knew that tears wouldn't solve my problems. I decided to turn my sorrows to joy, to turn my nightmares to sweet dreams, to change the game.

"Why not think of the good times I'd spend with Peculiar when he finally gets better?"
I wrote inside my jotter. Things I did do with peculiar, we'd visit :
1. the zoo
2. The museum
3. go on a picnic ........

I and peculiar would visit places.
Just as I closed the book, mother walked in.

_______

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In the next chapter mother speaks out. We get to find out what truly is the Mystery. Would Peculiar wake up normal? Or is there more to the mystery Jeanie is about to discover?

Read on! ❤️❤️❤️