Forgotten kiss ||Hyunlix<3||

News.

"If you don't start taking care of yourself, you might not have much longer..."

It was put simple as day. No hesitating, no beating around the bush. I was unhealthy enough to die. It was something I hadn't expected to hear. I knew it could happen.. but it felt weird.

Hearing I could possibly die?

My family was devastated. Tears flowing down their agitated cheeks. My sisters red from rubbing them with her sleeves.

I didn't know what I was feeling. I wasn't sad, I wasn't happy. I was just.. there. Existing. This is what I've wanted, but hearing the sobs from my
family were slightly confusing to me.

I've been gone from them for so long, I expect them to just not care about me. But they do.. and it's weird. I'm ready to drop off the face of the earth without a single goodbye.. but here they are, caring.

I want them to not give a shit. It would be so much easier.

After the doctor left it was silent, the only sound being crying.

My mom walked up to me, laying a hand on my shoulder. I loved them, I knew I did. My brain was just so clouded with suicidal thoughts that it's hard to recognize sometimes.

I'm a shit person for that aren't I?

I wanted to be alone I think. I just wanted to feel at peace. Niki must have caught on to that.

"Guys, I think we should let him be for a little. He looks- tired." He hesitated saying this, I always looked tired.

I nodded.

My mom wiped her face quickly, "yes, I see that." She said giving a bitter smile.

After they left I sat in silence. I was finally left alone, to think about everything. My physical condition, my  mental state and.. Felix.

I got to think about Felix. And this time I let myself keep thinking. I just saw him... he was the same. Vibrant looking and beautiful. His freckles made me lose track of where I was, I got lost in counting every little spec.

I wanted to see him, but I didn't at the same time.

Who I really wanted to see was someone else though. Two people actually. I stood up weakly from my bed and slowly walked towards a small table which sat a bag of my belongings.

I reached for a phone, it was new, my mother had bought it for me after weeks of pondering on about it.

I wanted to text him, but I didn't know his number. It only frustrated me when I thought about it. Maybe I could text yeji and get her to do it? Did she even want to talk to me?

The fight we had earlier wasn't out of the normal... but it was about something serious. I didn't want her to hate me. It's the last thing I wanted.

I texted her.

<do you have Jisungs number?>

It was simple. Short and simple and not written in any way to make people second guess your intentions. I hated text like that.

She sent me the number, and then typed for a while. I watched as the bubbles disappeared and then started again. This time lasting shorter-

< :) >

Was all she wrote. I slightly smiled, as I copy and pasted Jisungs number to text him.

I didn't explain the whole situation, I figured that would be a giant sob story. I just asked him if him and Chan could come visit me in the hospital.

The boy must have been on his phone because he answered really quick.

<omg are you okay?! We'll be right there!>

I was about to put my phone down when I saw a message notification come on the screen.

<hey, I was told you wanted to talk? I'm here right now.>

I stared long and hard at the message.

My heart dropped when I heard the door click to open.

It was Felix.

And his sister.

They walked in slowly, Felix first, an awkward tight smile on his face. It was cute, and I mentally cussed myself out for thinking it.

His sister on the other hand, looked cold. I suppose it was because she didn't like me after the incident, rightfully so.

We made eye contact and I seen something in her change. She looked me up and down.

"Hey," Felix's soft, low voice rang through my brain bringing me back to reality.

My mouth opened, but nothing came out. His sister made me nervous. "Hi." I finally said back. I turned to her and hated the way my voice was so shaky.

Olivia didn't waste anytime, she sat down in the chair next to me and let her bag fall to the ground. "What happened to you?" She asked.

"Liv.." Felix started,

"It's okay." I said, I then turned to her, "I don't know." I answered. It wasn't a complete lie, everything happened so fast and I was trapped.

"I went to shit pretty fast, it's no secret I'm a mess."

"Does.." she glanced at Felix and then back at me, biting down hard on her lip. I knew what she was asking.

"No."

Felix didn't know. And I'm sure that's the way his sister wanted it to stay. I wanted it to stay that way too, I don't think I could live if Felix found out and hated me. That would definitely push me over the edge.

I already hate myself enough I can't deal with anymore.

I can't deal with the thought of Lee Felix  knowing about me and my stupid decision.

I don't want him to hate me too.