Temporary Secretary

Part 76

9 November 1981

Monday 8:00pm

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The baby didn't sleep through the night so you'd be up a few times to tend to it. Throughout the day, you tried to sleep when she slept, despite the pattern being odd.

You were learning as you went, though for the past few days, she hadn't turned into the terror you'd been fearful of. She would primarily fuss when left alone, so either you or Paul took a turn holding her. At least in these early stages, all she seemed to do was sleep and nurse. That was simple enough.

However, this morning Paul would return to work. It was easier having him there, and it had been a while since you'd seen so much of him, considering he'd been working longer hours as of late. He'd return to that, finishing up what he could before he took proper leave.

The goodbye in the morning was a difficult one. Paul was hesitant to go, but he knew he had to.

You had gotten up with him, it wasn't so difficult considering your sleep schedule was all over the place as it was.

You held the baby as he got dressed.

"I'll be back in the evening." He said. "We'll go to the country at christmastime, and stay a good long while into the new year. I know I'll be able to finish up by then."

He held the baby against himself for a good long time, swaying slightly.

He kissed your temple before he left, then he was off.

You'd been alone with the baby before, but today was the first day of sole motherhood, really.

She was four days old now, not even a week.

She began to fuss when handed back to you, though minutes later, seemed to forget Paul was gone, drifting off again.

You paced in the flat, holding her.

She was clever with being put down. If you set her in the cot or bassinet, upon gaining lucidity, she'd become irritated and fuss.

You were starting to give up on that. She wasn't very heavy at all, if you wore her in a sling, your arms would be free and she'd sleep sweetly. That proved a worthwhile investment.

You had been expecting constant mayhem, but it was much different. More quiet than you expected. Maybe some babies were louder than others. She did cry, but she produced no tears, and it sounded more like shuddery, impatient squawking, demanding a feed or change. So long as she was carried she had little care of other things. All it did was sleep and eat.

You had breakfast yourself. You were hungrier than usual, likely due to the state of your tits.

The baby had woken up. You were beside the window, holding it. When it had its moments of lucidity, you tried to give it some stimulation.

It felt odd trying to talk to it. It hardly knew it was alive, and it'd be a while until it tried to form words in response. But you knew talking to it was important to language development nonetheless.

You hadn't been able to talk to it much when it was inside you, either. Paul had no problem with it, or with talking to it now. He was better at these things.

Its dark brown eyes were open. Not entirely focused, eyes crossed. It seemed uninterested by the other side of the glass.

You had a few newborn size outfits, she was slightly small for them. She was in one of the pale gowns, a pale blue bonnet. Evidently your old girl's clothing would be of use after all. Though you had knit a lot of blue and lavender things, they wouldn't hurt in the grand scheme of things.