mine | hwang hyunjin

Ch. 11 - not me

In a span of less than twenty-four hours, Hyunjin's whole world had been turned upside-down. After spending a night in paradise with you, it seemed like he woke up from a dream only to be confronted with a nightmare that was reality. He hardly had any time to stop and breathe that morning when the article was released. Immediately after getting a frantic call from his manager, Hyunjin was rushed to multiple meetings with various company executives and publicity agents to address the rumor that was spreading and maintain his image.

"So, are the rumors true?" He was asked countless of times.

"No, not at all."

Hyunjin adamantly refused these claims over and over again. He couldn't understand how they came to be, given that he never even had as much as a conversation with Karina in his life. Somehow, a blurry shot of his phone wallpaper became a full on relationship accusation, and he wanted nothing more than to prove them false. Of course, Hyunjin wanted to prove his innocence to his fans, but most of all he wanted to clear any misunderstandings with you.

Stressed from all the damage control he had to do that day, Hyunjin finally had a moment to himself when he returned to his dorm. Sitting at the edge of his bed, his head hangs low, both hands holding his face. Though he spoke to so many important figures today, he hadn't gotten a chance to talk to the one person who mattered most to him. Hyunjin just hopes that you don't believe the stories. How could you, when he's done so much to indicate his true feelings? You're the first person he calls when he has a day off, and the only one he's ever shown his unfinished artwork to. He's obsessed with you, your body, your face, your laugh, the way your nose crinkles when you smile, the way your voice sounds when you say his name, the way you care so much about people in your life even if they don't deserve it, the way you make his heart stop with only a kiss. No, he's never verbalized any of these feelings to you, but he came extremely close to doing so last night.

Last night, when you held each other in silence, basking in unspoken affection, he wanted to pour out his heart to you then and there, but he couldn't find the words. He may never find the right words. Maybe none exist that could adequately express all that he felt for you, and Hyunjin was too scared he'd mess it up. But now, all he wanted to do was speak to you. He needed to tell you that the scandal isn't true, that there wasn't another girl for him, that there could never be another. Hyunjin needed you to believe him, to know that for him, it was only you.

He quickly dialed your number, anxiously waiting for you to pick up. When you finally do, Hyunjin asks to see you right away but you decline. He wasn't expecting you to resist meeting him so much, and he definitely wasn't expecting to hear another man's voice with you. Who could you be seeing at this hour? Whenever you had spare time, you'd always spend late nights with Hyunjin. Who were you with right now? Could it be that you're on a date? Were you sleeping with other guys?

Hyunjin feels sick to his stomach as he contemplates the possibilities of your whereabouts. I should go find her. He thinks to himself, ultimately deciding against it because he doesn't want to appear possessive. But seeing you seems to be the only antidote to this unsettling dread building within him.

Is it too late? Hyunjin fears that he's missed his opportunity with you. Fuck, he should've never listened to Minho. He should've just trusted his own heart and told you what he really wanted instead of playing along with this whole 'friends with benefits' deal you proposed. He was never comfortable with the thought of sharing you with any other guy, you were meant to be his and his alone. He only agreed to it because he didn't want to lose you, but now it seems like you're slipping through his fingers.

For hours, Hyunjin lays curled up in his bed, hoping he could sleep away the worry. Instead, he restlessly tosses and turns, wondering if you are back in your own bed as well, or perhaps in the bed of another. Images of you kissing another man, laying undressed underneath his body flash across Hyunjin's mind. He thinks he'll vomit if he keeps picturing it. He has to do something to stop that from happening.