Every Memory Repeats

Chapter 1

Marlena's hands shook as she pulled John's old case file from her filing cabinet. She had practically begged him to allow her to treat him. His reluctance was understandable, and her unwillingness to allow him to see another doctor difficult to rationalize. John's words played over, and over again in her mind, "How many patients have you slept with?" 

The answer was one. She'd slept with one patient, and their relationship was so intertwined, she'd found herself in a near panic at the thought of him seeking help from another psychiatrist. Or maybe it was simply the fact that he'd been seeking out Whitney Baker. It wasn't lost on Marlena that Whitney had become infatuated with John before Marlena's return to Salem. 

Marlena was well aware that she was walking a fine line of professionalism. Many others in her field might argue that she had already crossed that line in agreeing to treat her ex-husband. Their story was complicated, nuanced, and full of passion, love, fear, regret, desperation, loss, and trauma. Her body had almost collapsed in relief when he had agreed and allowed her to make their first appointment. She'd shaken as her hand had written it in her datebook.

She had decided to stay late at the office to look over his file. The twins were sleeping over with Shawn and Caroline, and Carrie was old enough to fend for herself for one evening alone. She was likely happy to have the house to herself since Roman was working late. 

Her appointment with John was scheduled for the following morning and Marlena hoped, she prayed, that through hypnosis and therapy, she might be able to help John reconcile his current life with his missing past. She needed to do that, and she needed to be a part of that. In her mind, they needed to finish the journey they started together. Even if the other people in their lives might not understand why. John's words continued to roll about her mind, "How many patients have you slept with?"

Stefano had come into all of their lives, and sent them on a collision course. Her memories from the five years she was missing were slowly returning to her. It started with dreams, or flashes of memory with no context. There were nightmares of herself sitting across from Stefano, while they played chess. He would smile across the board at her, while she would jolt awake with a cold fear of dread lancing her body. Roman had his own dreams, which was why he sometimes slept on the couch or in the guest room. He never talked about them. He never discussed the past at all - his missing seven years with Stefano, or her past with John. He didn't discuss any of it, even though Marlena had tried to on several occasions.

When she'd last seen John, he was looking haggard, as if his nightmares were ruining his quality of sleep as well. The dark shadows under his eyes and the sadness that seemed to reside there pulled at Marlena's heart. All three of them had been forced into a complex game of cat and mouse without their consent. All of them were still suffering, even though the man responsible was supposed to be dead. Stefano might be dead, but his legacy was pain and trauma.

Looking down at John's file, she remembered when she'd started it. He'd been seeing her unofficially, with hypnosis sessions in her home. John probably wasn't even aware that she'd started a file on him, or that she'd kept it all these years, but she'd needed a way to organize the information and try to connect the clues, possibly find patterns. Anything that could help him. By the time she'd realized he had amnesia, she was already half in love with him. Helping him had simply been the next step, and he had been so nervous about the whole process, not sure if he could trust her or not. Marlena simply couldn't imagine going through life with no knowledge of who you were, or where you came from. John's current plight was bringing up all of those old feelings, and she couldn't bear to see him in pain. She remembered a conversation with John nearly ten years earlier...

"I am not treating you as a patient," Marlena said softly, touching his arm to get his attention.

John leaned closer, glancing around to see if anyone was watching them, "Then what exactly would you call it?"