Every Memory Repeats

Chapter 3

Isabella could feel John slipping away from her. She didn't know what to do to stop it, and John denied it every time she mentioned they were growing apart, but she could feel it. She stared at him across the dinner table at Wings, "I thought you said, you were going to cancel that appointment."

"I was," John said, growing frustrated with Isabella's accusations. "But when I got home, I decided not to cancel. It's not a big deal, Isabella."

"It is, because you lied to me," she said.

"Lied to you? I changed my mind. That's not the same thing. I'm sorry, I didn't let you know, I honestly didn't think it was a big deal," John said, watching her emotions play over her face.

"I thought we were going to focus on us... focus on the baby," Isabella said softly.

Every time Isabella wanted John to do something she brought up the pregnancy. John was silent for a long while, before he finally started to speak, "I want to give you what you want, but I can't, Izzy B. I need to do this. I need to know about my past, for my own sake. I need to at least try, and figure it out. I have nothing prior to 1985. You will never know what it feels like to wonder who you are. Where you came from. If you were married. If you had children... Isabella, all I know is Marlena and those kids, and I've lost that, too!"

"What about me? What about our baby? My wishes aren't important?" she asked bitterly. She reached for her purse, and said, "I need to use the restroom."

Marlena entered the restaurant with Roman, right as Isabella stormed off to the ladies room. Her eyes met John's, and locked for a moment longer than what was proper, before she finally turned away from him, and followed Roman to their table. When Isabella exited the ladies room, she immediately stopped short, eyeing Marlena with anger, and spite. Isabella had been icy towards her since she returned. Marlena knew there was nothing she could do to make someone like her. Isabella's insecurities were holding her back. Sighing softly, Marlena looked away, just as the waiter approached, telling Roman he had a telephone call.

Marlena sipped her wine, occasionally glancing towards John's table, and watched as John tried to explain something to Isabella. Isabella was obviously unhappy, gesturing with her hands, and at one point crying. Marlena watched John try to calm her, without success. Just as Roman was returning to the table, Isabella grabbed her purse and coat, and stormed out, leaving John behind. Marlena watched him lean back in his chair, and run his fingers roughly through his hair. He glanced over and their eyes met and held for a moment, before Marlena looked away.

"Hey, Doc, that was the station calling," Roman said loudly, without even sitting down. "I've got to head in, because they just brought in a suspect on this case I'm handling. I'm sorry—"

"—that's fine, Roman," Marlena said, cutting him off. She didn't need his explanations. They were always work related anyway. She hadn't wanted to go out anyway. Roman had dropped the twins with his parents, and surprised her because he felt guilty about forcing the kiss on her a few days earlier. She was tired and would have much rather preferred a night in. "I'll be fine. I can take a cab home."

"You should stay. Have dinner," Roman told her.

"I think, I might just head home, Roman. I'm tired," she said quietly.

Roman seemed almost disappointed, but he replied, "Okay. I'll be home later." He leaned over, attempting to kiss her, and Marlena turned her face, allowing him to kiss her cheek. He wasn't happy, but because they were in public he said nothing. Marlena watched him walk away without another word.

John watched the whole interaction with interest -  Roman's excuse for leaving, Marlena's avoidance of his kiss - and he wondered, again, if Marlena had made love to Roman. The thought of them together made him irrationally upset. His mind filled with images of Marlena with Roman hovering over her naked body, and he felt himself tremble with jealousy. John knew that he and Marlena had moved on. He was living in his own apartment, but he and Isabella were having sex. He wasn't celibate. He couldn't expect Marlena to be, and yet, John knew, that somewhere inside his mind... he did expect that. His intense emotions over Marlena's sex life were unwarranted. He found himself feeling a sense of smugness at the thought that maybe Marlena hadn't allowed Roman that privilege yet. Maybe Roman hadn't had the opportunity to sink into her tight, warm, body. He nearly groaned as his imagination ran wild. Realizing he was staring at her again, he tried not to be too obvious.