my chemical romance one shots / imagines

Starving to be skinny

(A/N. don't read this one shot if you struggle with an eating disorder as it is triggering and based off my experience with anorexia. The reader is gerard's daughter and it takes place during the hesitant alien era)

I walked into the house and slammed the door behind me before I ran up the staircase. Lisa happened again. This time she had told me when describing me to her dad her exact words were "Shes overweight, kind of like her dad."

This moment was nearly five months ago, but it was the exact moment I knew I needed to be skinny. Since then I've lost fourty-five pounds. At first it was hard, eating no more than 1200 calories a day wasn't something I was used to. Exercise was also practically foreign to me. Sure I could run the mile in gym class, but I would never go out of my way to exercise outside of school. I had a few moments of weakness and slipped up, but the one thing that kept me motivated was when people around me noticed my hard work. The compliments made me feel like I was glowing and I was finally a real girl. So, I kept going.

After I had adjusted to these new ways of life I took it a step further. My new calorie limit was 900 and the exercises increased too. Instead of running a mile a day, it was now two miles plus ten push ups. Each day I would add another push up till it reached twenty. Then, the cycle continued.

No sugar, low amount of carbs, and nothing anyone else made me was allowed. When dad cooked, this was hard to get away with. I could either, take my food to my room and secretly flush it down the toilet. Or I could sit at the table with dad, eat, then throw up any food that had dared to enter my system. Dad being on tour makes it easier to simply flush my food.

After that, I took it just a little bit further. 800 calories was the max amount allowed (0 allowed on Sundays though.) When exercising it was now two miles, 20 push ups, 10 burpees, and however many crutches I could get away with doing before bed.

All this felt great, I was finally skinny! Within the span of August to December I went from 145 pounds to 100 pounds. Previously my clothing size was a medium, and on bad days a large. Now I only wore an extra small. My body made girls at school jealous and they no longer focused on the fact that my dad was Gerard Way and how I was a freak for sharing dna with him. They now focused on how they wished they could be as tiny as me and how their jealousy made them want to shove a finger down their throat.

Euphoria was flowing through my veins and I needed nothing. My body was clean, pure, skinny, and fragile. Being sick made me happier than ever. At this point, I was practically a goddess. My soul was stripped clean and I gained a pair of wings. Some of the people on online forums would call this delusion, I call it freeing. I was free. Truly fucking free.

However, all good things must come to an end. and thats how I ended up where I am now. My dad chokes on his sobs and covers his mouth with his hand while uncle Mikey holds him back. The nurses hold me down while trying to shove a feeding tube down my throat and violate any pureness my body once had. No amount of kicking, tears coming out of my eyes, pushing the nurses arms off of me, or screaming "Stop" "No!" "Dad get them the fuck off!" is helping me. They've captured the newly formed goddess and want to behead her.

One of the nurses calls in extra help and two doctors rush into the room. I can hear uncle Mikey whispering over and over again, "She will be okay" into dad's ears. I laugh. No, I will not be okay. They will inject me with poisonous carbs and sugar and you think I'll be okay?! My body rest's; I have stopped fighting the nurses. All I can do is laugh now. The laughing wont stop and this is all funny to me. Im messed up, aren't I? I believe I am with the way the nurses and doctors look at me like im a mad woman. How is this not funny to them? It's fucking hilarious!

My laugher is interrupted when I feel the tube finally make its way down my throat. I choke on it before finally catching my breath. "Mr. Way, we will be back in thirty minutes to begin a feeding session. Please take any time you need with her right now and do not hesitate to come get one of us if needed." The nurse gives Gerard a smile and her crimson red lipstick shines. How is she so calm? This is not normal, nothing about it is.

Dad grabs my hand and I look into his eyes, its only now that I start crying again. This time I am not hysterical though, my sobs are quite and I feel like a small child after losing my favorite Barbie. Uncle Mikey moves to the other side of me and moves my hair out of my face, "Dad, im scared." I choke on my own words. They're hard to say.

Dad plants a kiss on my forehead, "It will be okay." There it fucking is again. The sentence. What is it with all these people believing this is okay? My tears become more desperate and I shake my head no as fast as I can, "No! No, please dad! You have to stop them! Its not okay they're gonna ruin my body! They'll make me ugly again!"

He squeezes my hand and a tear escapes his eye. Uncle Mikey speaks up and his voice is so quiet its hard to hear "What makes you think you were ever ugly?"

I look at him and my face gets hot. Is he stupid? "I was overweight, now im finally perfect and skinny, and-and!" He nods his head and shushes me. "You were always perfect y/n, no matter how your body looked. You're destroying yourself now! You're sick. We just want to help you"

I want to say something but I cant. No words can describe anything I'm thinking. "How did I even get here? I swear I was just running in gym class!"

Dad sighs, "You passed out in gym y/n. Its then that the nurse noticed how malnourished you looked and she called me. She also saw the cuts. I was called and I told her to call in an ambulance. Ive been worried but this confirmed it. I need you to get better y/n."

Looking down I notice the patient gown I have on that exposes my cuts. Instinctively I cover them up. Guilt is consuming me now and i don't like it. The euphoria I once felt is gone. I was never a goddess, my hair was falling out, every night I would lay in bed shivering so hard i felt like my bones would break, and the toilet had been flushed more from me throwing up than any other uses. They're right, I am sick and I don't like being sick anymore. Im scared.