Quilts, Tacos & Tattoos

Pa Walker on Watch

The next morning started like every other day. Mom was up early and popped her head in to say goodbye. "I'm sorry I couldn't talk last night. Can we talk later? I called Pa Walker. He is going to come over and stay with you this morning. Will I see you at the store later?"

I jumped, "I'm coming now. Can you wait a few minutes? I want to ride with you."

She waited in the living room while I scrambled to put on my clothes. There was a knock at the door, and I was afraid it was him coming back. I looked at Mom for assurance.

"It's not him. He wouldn't knock." She went to the door, looking over her shoulder at me. She opened the door and smiled.

Was it Tyler? Did I brush my teeth yet? Then Pa Walker walked in the door.

Mom asked Pa Walker, "How are you holding up? Did you sleep much last night?"

"Hi, Pa Walker," I hollered from the kitchen.

He nodded in my direction and then addressed Mom, "No, Honey. I did not sleep. I was up worrying about you all night. I really wish you would have gone and slept down at your folks."

"Now, Pa Walker, I am not twenty years old anymore, and my parents are not so young these days, either. I knew we would be perfectly fine here. He had made too big of a show last night and had so many people stirred up, it would not be his style to show up again last night. He likes to catch people by surprise, remember?"

"I remember plenty about that boy, and that is why I am worried. What is your plan?"

Mom stammered, "My plan? I do not have a plan. I have a life, and I will continue to live it every day and be just fine. He has nothing to do with me. I am not even sure why he showed up."

"He's up to something, and you know it. Did he give you any indication about what?"

I tried to read Mom's face, but it was as normal as usual. I wished I knew better what was going on. She looked in my direction with a smile, "Go and brush your teeth."

I knew it. Something is always up when she sends me out of the room. We had played this game my whole life. When she really wanted me out of the room she would say, "Go brush your teeth. Go wash the clothes. Go do something."

It always hurt my feelings and made me feel like I was invisible. Why at seventeen did I have to leave the room to brush my teeth? Why did she still get to boss me around? I stomped to the bathroom and then turned on my heels, "Mom you do not have to tell me to brush my teeth. You can simply ask for some privacy. I am a grown woman."

She snapped, "A woman? You had your first date last night and now you are a woman. Listen here, Missy, I am still your mother, and you still live under this roof, and if I tell you go and brush your teeth, you better march in there and brush those damn teeth."

My eyes stung as I turned into the bathroom. She did not have to get so mean. I put the toothpaste on my toothbrush and the tears started flowing.

I remembered being little and all the times she spoke to me like that, which was a lot. I was always yelled at and told what to do and told to leave the room. I felt a darkness returning. I wanted to be close to her. I remembered being a kid and listening to her crying at night. She would push me away when she was crying. So I would gather up a pillow and blanket and sleep outside her door just to be closer to her.

There was always tension in the house back then. I tried hard to remember my dad. What did he look like? Why didn't I have a memory of the man who showed up last night?Who was this man acting twelve years old on the porch last night? As soon as I can, I am going to leave this place. I am going to run away and never look back. The life I had yesterday was gone. The life I had today felt so different. I wanted to be away from this drama. I wanted to be done with this part of my life, but I could not leave. I had no money. I had to finish one more year of high school. I stuck my head out the door and yelled.

"Mom, I changed my mind. I don't want to go today."

"Was that before or after you looked out the window?"

"What does that mean? What's out the window?"

"You mean who?"

I smiled. "Who?"

"You can have today off, but I need you on Saturday. We are teaching three classes and we have Quilt Club. You may not leave the city today. Don't think you can pop into Austin anytime you want now." She walked out with Pa Walker to the porch.

I followed her.

He was leaning against the hood of his car. I bit my lip and looked at him sideways and tucked my hair behind my ear. I was so glad I did not have it in a ponytail yet like I usually did that early in the morning, and ever so grateful I had already brushed my teeth.

Mom drove off, and Pa Walker left for home. I leaned against the porch railing. I covered my eyes to see him. "Morning," I said out of the corner of my mouth with a crooked smile.

"Morning." He smiled at me with a smirk.

"What?" I asked of his expression.

"Come on over here."

I walked over to him. He pulled on my belt loop and pulled me in tight to him, tucking my head under his chin.

"I thought about you all night."

"You don't have to worry about us. Mom said we are fine and that he is just . . ."

He pulled away from me and lifted my head towards his face, "I did not say I worried about you all night. I said I thought about you all night."

"Oh."

"Yeah." He breathed in deeply and then kissed me on the lips.

My head swirled, and I knew would I'd never care so completely or deeply for anyone else ever again in my life. I vowed right then to never let him leave my heart. I felt as though my life had just begun. I was on my journey's path, making choices that would take me to all sorts of places. I could hear Aunt Julia saying to me, "Some choices will take you left and some will take you right. None would be right or wrong, just left and right."

I stood there for a while with my eyes closed and my head on his chest and felt the closeness of his warmth. I breathed in his scent and thought about all the things I loved about him. I was making one of my life choices right then.

"Let's go sit down."

I did not move. "I don't want this moment to end. It feels so peaceful after last night and this morning."

"I'll tell you what. How about we go inside and you rest for a little bit and I will hang out while you get some sleep."

"How about we go down by the lake?"

"Now you're talking."

We walked down by the lake and climbed into the hammock. I snuggled in under his arm, and rested my head on his shoulder. It was the first time I lay next to a boy. Snuggling felt so comfortable and so easy. I had thought about that moment so many times since childhood. I remembered surrounding myself with pillows and imagining what it would be like to have someone hold me while I slept. Holding me so that I would feel safe.

I used to imagine my father would hold me close and tell me how much he loved me and how sad he was he had missed so much of my life. I hadn't imagined I would be held by anyone other than my mother or father in such a sweet, gentle way.

My emotions took over, and I closed my eyes. Tyler whispered something in my ear, but I did not respond. I was so happy that I faked being asleep so I could enjoy the moment longer.