hold me tight | yoonmin

broken

soon, after yoongi's breakdown, seokjin and hoseok left. their faces showed they were worried sick about yoongi's well being, knowing well that he wouldn't eat a single grain of rice until he'd get better.

yoongi hoped he would, but in the situation now, he only knew he'd get worse.

yoongi walked ghostly around his house. walking into walls that should've been familiar to him, and tripping over garbage that he was too lazy to throw away.

he felt like he was at his lowest point. he loved someone, but that someone didn't love him back, and that someone got rejected by another someone. it was fucking complicated, and Yoongi thought he was fucking petty about it, but he just couldn't let go. he was so sad all the time and he was getting sick of it, he couldn't go a day without having a moment where he would dissociate.

he wouldn't go a day without feeling like he's nothing, like he's worthless, like he's invisible.

everyone became a blank face, and he couldn't recognize himself anymore.

in highschool, his lips were red, he had pale skin, and a healthy glow. he would eat. sometimes he wishes he could go back to that time where he was actually content, happy, at peace.

but he stopped feeling all those things. something in his brain changed, its chemistry or something, but he just started feeling so drained. so lost. so sad and miserable. and he actually had hope for himself when he started falling in love with Jimin, because when he saw Jimin he didn't feel lost. he felt at home, like Jimin was the center of his universe, of his story.

but he would always be faced with the truth: no, you can't be happy, because park jimin loves someone else. he's found happiness with someone other than you.

he slammed his fist against his dining table. punching it again and again and again, until his strength soon weakened. his fist was sore, and he didn't stop punching the table until he saw red trickle down his knuckles.

his fist was bloody and bruised. he felt like he had broke every bone in his entire body.

he wanted to break every bone in his body.

yoongi wept again. this time, stronger, because he was by himself. he cried silently, looking up at the ceiling with his eyes closed. the tears wouldn't stop falling, though.

he went to the bathroom. first slamming himself against the door because he didn't see it. he was too dizzy to see it.

he opened the door with his numb hand shaking, he couldn't feel the blood drip down his hand. he was glad he couldn't. but most of all, he wanted his heart to go numb.

he always stared himself down at the mirror. looking at himself.

skinny. bony. pale. disgusting. those were the words yoongi thought when he saw himself. he looked horrible. and he didn't know how to get better—he didn't know how to get help. he blamed himself. he blamed himself for falling in love. stupid, stupid love.

"fucking shit!" he shouted, running out from the bathroom and throwing the pillows on his bed every where, slamming them, and himself, against the wall.

it hurt. he wanted to stop hurting. he grabbed a glass from the kitchen, threw it on the floor. it broke easily, and quickly became sharp shards of glass.

yoongi stepped it. he let out a sharp breath, the sensation of the pain rushing to his head.

he stumbled back into his living room, and fell against the soft pillows of his couch.

he looked at his hand, it was covered in blood. then he looked at his foot, it was bleeding, and pieces of glass were stuck in it.

yoongi stared at his bloody hands and foot, then he laughed.

his laugh was not happy, he laughed because of the pain he was going through. he couldn't even feel the glass burn his foot.

he laughed hysterically, a wave of tears flowing down his face. he was absolutely miserable, he hated himself, and was tempted to kill himself.

he laid silent for a few hours. he turned on the tv, and laughed silently at the static screen.

he'd probably gone crazy.

from the kitchen, he grabbed a knife. looking at it lustfully, oh how he'd love to have this slit his wrists, it wouldn't be as painful as loving someone. it wouldn't be as painful as the sharp knife that stabbed him in the stomach in the morning.

his face was dry of the tears that showered his face. this time, he calmly walked over to the bathroom. the door knob stained red in his blood. he took a few tissues, wiped his face. he stared at himself again.

yoongi's face became sour, and he could feel the tears come again. his eyes were red enough, the veins protruded so prominently that he would have to be a skilled liar to say he wasn't crying.

yoongi had officially broken himself. he'd broken himself so pathetically, and he thought that it wasn't worth continuing his life for tomorrow.

the turned on the water in his bath tub.

~~~

didn't I tell you? yoongi centric chapter yayyy!!!!~ the ending is coming nearer and nearer! please enjoy and continue reading until the end~

thank you again for voting and reading~ I'm really grateful!

REVAMP: August 11, 2016

Jimin isn't the cause of yoongi's misery anymore.