Hae was sat in her room, sobbing to herself. She had her head in her hands and was muttering to herself. She didn't hear the door open so she was extremely flustered when Bang Chan was standing behind her "Sunny?" He whispered, holding her shoulder "What's wrong?"
"I can't do it, Chan" She muttered "I ca- i can't do it anymore" She stuttered, staring up at him. Her dark eyes were glassy with her salty tears. It broke his heart seeing her like that. Looking so fragile. That wasn't the Hae he knew.
"Can't do what?" He questioned, sitting beside her
"Be an idol" She sighed "I used to love it and i think apart of me still does but......these people, Chan. They hate me..." She told him, looking everywhere but his eyes
"No they don't" He sighed, wrapping an arm around her shaking body
"Yes they do, Chris" she said "They all hate me...." a tear fell from her eye "I don't know what i did to deserve it...."
"Neither do i" He shrugged
"I'm always kind, i'm always polite, i work hard, i make people laugh, i always try my best on stage.....i'm everything they want me to be...so why do they hate me?" Hae sobbed, covering her face with her hands
"I don't know, Hae" He sighed, rubbing her shoulder
"Please......please don't call me Hae" She whispered "I'm not Hae.... I can't be Hae anymore....it hurts being her"
"Okay" he nodded, wrapping an arm around her
"I don't know what to do" She said, gripping onto her hair " I can't keep doing this"
"Can't keep doing what?" Bang Chan asked, watching her with worried eyes
"I can't be an idol anymore..." Hae told him " Every time we perform it's like i'm in a trance. It's not me. i'm watching from the audience ..... I feel like i'm dead, Chan..... like i'm dead and i'm mourning myself" She cried "I keep thinking about what my life would be like if you didn't walk in on me. If you didn't stay. If you didn't ask me to join or more importantly if i didn't say yes. Everything would be different. Better. You would be a group of eight and i would.....i would be....happy again..."
"Don't say that" he said, tears filling his eyes. He hated seeing her like this. He felt a aching pain in his chest as she watched her
She exhaled and sniffed "when I was on that bridge" she started "I felt peaceful for the first time in so long. I felt in control and just....i don't know" she sighed, tears falling from her eyes "I can't do this anymore.....I can't"
"Soon-Bok" He whispered, hugging her "You have to leave"
"what?"
"You have to leave Korea......go on a break. Go back to your family. Anything to fix this because this isn't you"
"A break?"
"Yeah" He nodded, looking forward "That would help you. I know it would"
"yeah maybe" She nodded "When would i go?"
"Whenever you wanted to" He smiled "It's all up to you"
Hae was now sat infront of all the boys "I'm going on a hiatus" she announced, looking at all of their sad faces
"what?" Jisung sighed, looking at her with concerned eyes
"It's too much for me" She said "All the......the hate. It's too much" she felt tears sting her eyes "Chan suggested it and...it felt right"
"How long would you go?" Seungmin asked
"As long as i need" she answered "As long as it takes"
"We're all here for you" Changbin smiled, holding her hand "And we always will be"
"i know" she whispered, tears falling from her eyes. As much as it hurt the members they understood. She was in too much pain and she needed help
After the group finished talking he decided to go speak to Lee Know. She needed to do something "Lee Know, i need to speak to you" She said, walking into his room
"No" He said immediately
"Minho" She sighed, sitting next to him on the bed
"No" he repeated
"Just listen" He turned to her and she knew he was listening "I think we should..... i think we should....... break up" She looked to the floor
"No" He said, shaking his head "No" He knew that's what she was going say. He knew before she did
"Minho....i'm not who you fell in love with.... i stopped being her a while ago"
"I didn't fall in love with Hae. I fell in love with Cah Soon-Bok. I fell in love with, you. Your mind, your soul, you. Not who you pretend to be on stage" He told her, gripping onto her hand "Soon-Bok, i love you and nothing will change that"
"But, Minho, i'm not the girl you want" She said, tears falling from her eyes
"Yes you are" He sighed "you're my sun. You light up my world, soon Bok. You're everything i want and you will be forever. You're everything to me and i'm not going to let some pathetic people take you away" He hugged her and in that moment as he held her she felt safe. Hae, knew she was loved and not for who she was on stage but for her and that was a great feeling.
Authors note
imma be honest i was sitting in maths and i was thinking that this chapter wasn't as good as it could have been so i re wrote it :p anyway i hope you like this version better because i do. Plus i hope it's more depressing than the last :D
