When We Fall

s e v e n

.07|Saige
-not edited-

ONCE UPON A TIME in a different lifetime, I was popular. In middle school, I was captain of the cheer team. My spot was secured. Same went for when I came to high school, it was almost a given that I would get the captain spot. Sure enough, that freshman year I did. Everything was going perfect until I started to...spiral? Maybe that's the best word to describe it.

Of course when I went away, Kaitlynn swooped in for my spot, which wasn't a big deal because of course I was too busy trying to relearn how to eat chicken tenders rather than perfecting my back tuck.

But now, it's my last year in high school. My last year to do everything. And so, I'm hoping that the work I continued to put in over the past few years meant I didn't lose too much skill. That I could still fight for my spot back as captain.

Which is how I ended up standing in the girls locker room in a tank top and shorts at 10 am on a Saturday morning. It felt like nothing had changed, and quick greetings to the team proved that most were happy to see me back.

My hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail, falling out after hours of flips and jumps on the football field. I definitely didn't miss the hot sun of South Carolina one bit.

But I absolutely worked my ass off out there, because this is the last part of my "perfect senior year plan" I need to get down. I'd been telling my friends about it for weeks, making all of them, besides Cas who not only made it clear he didn't want to be there, but wasn't invited as well, come over and practice with me. Well, Lilah, Emi and Ash helped me practice, while Lucas cheered us on and brought out drinks. But it was the thought that counts.

Unfortunately, it had proved near impossible to not speak to Cas, though I made my best effort of it. We were forced to talk in biology, having an upcoming project that was looking more and more like we'd unfortunately have to work together outside of school.

Hopefully by then I'll have perfected the skill of "only acknowledging Cassius Dixon when absolutely necessary for my own success."

Sadly, my first Cas free morning in a while did include Kaitlynn. It might've slipped my mind that she had stepped up as captain when I left. And I'd now have to beat her out for the spot. Lilah trying out with me was the only way I made it through the morning.

"Hey Saige, did Dalton tell you about his game next week? They've been running new drills in practice about it, he told me all about it at the party friday night! I've learned so much more about him being partners with him, it's so cool Johnson wanted us to meet new people!" Her overly peppy voice showed that the context of the sentence didn't matter, she just wanted me to know how much she had been talking to my boyfriend.

But the only part I cared about was the party friday night. He was with me, and didn't leave my house until after our argument, which was after 10pm.

As if the bitch could read my mind, her peppy voice rang out again, "Yeah we were supposed to study that night, but he was busy until pretty late, so by the time he got to my house we decided to just ditch it and go to the party."

I ignored the words, ignored the way that they started to eat up at me on the inside. I could dig down and address those later - another part of the healing. Not bottling things up until they explode anymore.

By the time I got to the parking lot, the anxious thoughts were gone, replaced with a smile that had been long forgotten. My entire body ached in a familiar way I had missed so much, and I wanted nothing more than to be back under the lights in front of a crowd again.