Deliverance | Draco Malfoy

Eighteen

tw: This chapter contains mentions of anxiety and panic attacks. Read with caution.

Fear was a feeling I was used to. It was something that I had always expected to greet me at least once throughout every day. I had a fear of many things that came along with my anxiety.

I was afraid of bodies of water because I couldn't swim. I had a fear of heights even though the rooftop brings me comfort and familiarity. I had a fear of men thanks to my loving father and adoring boyfriend. I was scared of being touched. Scared of the dark. Scared of not being enough. Scared of having to live any longer than I truly needed to.

Fear wasn't something I was foreign to, but it was also something that I was scared of. I was scared of when the feelings of fright would creep in and ruin anything good I had going for me.

This moment was just like the rest. Nothing good could ever happen without fear coming along to lace darkness into the comfort in my chest. A wavering of it flushed over me when I thought he'd reject me when I kissed him so swiftly without even thinking, but to my surprise— it was the exact opposite reaction that I got from him, and I think that scared me even more.

His tight hold around me was so perfect I could have thought this was all a dream. I finally felt like I had found somewhere that I belonged in this world. I had never belonged anywhere— I was never wanted by anyone, but my heart warmed so much when his fingers laced themselves in the hair on the back of my head and his large hand cupped around my waist in a protective manner that I had never known.

And the way he kissed me back...

"Rook," his husky voice was like a soft purr as it melted into my parted lips. He enveloped my lips between his own a second later to fulfill the hunger he had been feeling inside of him for too long. The same hunger I had been starving myself of.

My soft hands grazed his neck to feel the prickle of his short hair beneath my fingertips. It was only this short at the base of his neck, and the length grew out the further towards the top it went. His grasp on my own hair didn't loosen as he rolled my hips over his with one hand and moved his lips to the edge of my jaw to let me catch my breath from his relentless pace.

They moved over my skin so gracefully, but he took his time to memorize every noise I made when he kissed certain parts. I was sure this was a treatment he had given most girls when he used them for his own pleasures. He was used to taking in cues of what they liked and where their weak spots were for his advantage.

He was gentle, but firm all at once. His mouth didn't hurt as it nipped at me and left behind a trail of marks I knew I would grow to regret when my brain finally unfogged and returned to my body.

Right now, I was a sinner, and I was sitting in the palm of the devil's hand.

His lips sucked with more force when his sloppy trail found my collarbone. His hands both locked around my hips to hold me in place on his lap. He lost that sweet control her had over himself, and I felt the air around us shift into something more possessing.

Maybe that's when I started to fall out of the trance. Maybe that's when I started to feel like I was just another girl for him to fuck to clear his head. When this stopped feeling so vulnerable, and started to feel like a hookup.

My eyes shot open when his teeth clamped around my collar bone, and I inhaled a sharp gasp when my stomach dropped and my heart nearly burst. I realized what I was doing because this feeling was entirely new to me— because this person was new.

I had a boyfriend that was supposed to be holding me like this— marking me like this. I already had someone to marry.

Graham.