Deliverance | Draco Malfoy

Nineteen

My mind was more than a little worried when a few more days had passed, and I still hadn't received any word from Graham. The blonde sitting next to me in class had hardly spoken more than a few words to me since the weekend that I now came to regret tremendously, and I had seen him chatting to one too many girls in the corridors and common room considering what we had been through— what the fuck is going on with me?

Since when am I one to give two shits if a boy spends his time with other girls. "What we had been through?" Please. That was just an embarrassing moment of weakness on my part. I stole a glance at him and noticed how focused he was on the chalkboard in front of us.

Did he always have that many girls lined up in his favor? I guess I just hadn't paid as much attention to him in the past— or I never got a twisting feeling of jealousy any time I saw him have such interactions. I cursed myself for even thinking of him in such a way right now as he sat so close to me. Who cared if he had multiple girls? He doesn't belong to me. Being a womanizer shouldn't come as a shocker— he could buy any of them if he truly wanted to, and he was cocky and arrogant enough to do that.

I was the one that decided to stop giving him attention because of the circumstances. He also just took the opportunity to not reach out to me himself after he ditched me in the broom closet, and I think that's what annoyed me. If he claimed he cared so much, why had he let me stop acknowledging him? Why wasn't he trying to get my attention anymore? Probably because the other girls are higher up on his list than I was, because I had known the truth all along and just didn't want to accept it— I was a pawn in his game.

And now, without Draco filling my every thought and desire, Graham has crept back in to my brain.

I regret kissing Malfoy.

I replaced images with Draco with thoughts of Graham. His lovely smell and his strong hands on my hips while he drummed his fingers over them in random patterns. His dimpled smile when I made him happy, and his brown eyes that resembled candy so sweet it almost made your teeth hurt.

I also remember exactly how his hands felt when I needed a lesson—

No.

I wouldn't let myself dwell on the negatives of my relationship. That was the problem. They aren't negatives, they are just bends in the road. Things that can be mended if I allow myself to fix them.

I had built a fantasy with Draco inside my fucked up brain. One that even I couldn't keep up with anymore. I had been a stupid girl that fantasized about a handsome boy that was willing to give me 5 minutes of attention when he thought that I would let him in my pants.

However, being followed by him every day wasn't helping anything. He took his job seriously, and I could feel the cold tension pouring off of him every time I got too close. I didn't look forward to when Graham would get back, and not only would I have to pretend the blonde had no part in my life again, but he would no longer be at my side all day long every day.

I tapped my quill against my desk and blinked a few times to clear my head out of my constant daydreaming. I glanced at him... for the millionth time this hour... and his silver eyes were still focused on Professor McGonagall, making me look away. His knee brushed mine under the table, and I looked towards him with an embarrassing amount of eagerness, but he was still looking away.

An accident. He bumped my leg by accident. I should've known. My heart had betrayed me when it did a leap from his tiny touch. I don't even think you could count his robes grazing my leg as a touch.

His chin rested in his left hand and I tried to get myself to stop noticing all of these stupid details about how he looked today. How handsome he looked— how every little aspect of him was consuming me. I needed a new distraction. And Graham needed to make his return to the castle desperately— for all of our sakes.