Stockholm Syndrome // h.s

chapter sixteen

The past few days have been complete bliss. It felt as though it was just Harry and I; no distractions, just just two people and an empty house. At least when I wasn't looking behind my back, waiting for someone to jump out of thin air and take Harry away.

It was as if there was a weight on shoulders pushing me down, preventing me to truly be happy and carefree. The same weight that caused me to be extra cautious. Fear can either make or break you, it can control your actions and thoughts and cloud your mind. The weight on my shoulders was the strong, inescapable fear that these few seconds could be my last with Harry. That just in a moment everything could change and there was no obvious solution.

I need Harry.

Just in these short weeks I have surrendered my independence and now relied on another person to keep me content and safe. But I know that Harry needs me as well.

There was this indescribable bond between us, we connected on a level I have never felt with another human being. So I decided that now was the right time to unveil my past and show Harry why my family holds such a strong hatred again me.

I fiddle with my fingers, trying to conjure how I was going to explain everything to Harry. I was so ashamed of the things I did, the person I was...

I took pride in the fact that I started over and become someone I wasn't regretful of. Someone I could stare in the reflection of the mirror without getting the impulse to smash the glass.

What if Harry stopped seeing me for who I am but the person I was? What if he was so disgusted by my past he would realize all this wasn't worth it, I wasn't worth it. How could I live without a person I depended on, cared for and probably love?

Love...

Do I love Harry? The question tore through me mind consuming my every thought in a whirlwind.

Regardless if I truly love Harry or not he deserves to know the truth. I owe it to him, especially after he told me his deepest, darkest secret.

I sat on the couch and called Harry into the room.

"We have to talk Harry." He slowing walks in wearing a confused expression. "I-it's about my past... with my family. I know you know that my family basically disowned me but you don't know why." He stares deep into my eyes, encouraging me to go on. His moves his large hand from his lap and wraps it around my small ones while shooting me a brief smile.

I take a deep breath then explain the story that changed my life forever.

Anger filled my mind, eating me from the inside out. I can't believe my parents had the nerve to ruin my life. To take a hold of my future and change it to their liking, like a pound of clay.

I had hopes, aspirations and goals, but they all were demolished just because my future plans didn't coincide with my parents.

I was planing on attending The London School of Journalism in the fall. I had a passion for writing and my heart told me to pursue my desires and hopefully make a career out of it. I eventually got acceptance letter and I couldn't have been more happy.

That is until my parents found out and did everything possible to make sure I didn't go to school there. Their plans for me were established the day they realized I had potential to be smart and achieve things in life.

They wanted me to go to Oxford and study law. My father taught there so naturally, I would attend the school.

They went behind my back and sent in the paper work to attend Oxford and made sure the one I was sending to The London School of Journalism never made it.

I confronted them, trying to guilt them into changing their mind. "Mom, please I will pay for my entire college tuition if you would let me go to the school of my choice! I don't want to study law I want to be a journalist, don't you get it? Please I will do anything if you would just change your mind," I beg.

She just looks at me and shakes her head "Belle it is too late and besides don't you want to make us proud? To become the person we have always wanted you to be?"

"Mom it's my life! Why can't I be who I want to be!" I scream, tears starting to form, ready to fall. I continue to plead and cry until my Mom leaves the house, sick of my behavior.

I didn't want to feel vulnerable, I wanted control of my life. I didn't want to give up on my dreams just because my parents are different then mine.

I was so blinded by anger and hatred that I went out of control. That night I did something so stupid and ignorant that I will regret it for the rest of my life. I go on a wild rampage in the house, like a tornado. Everything in sight was my target, nothing was safe when my anger took control. I broke, through and shoved, enjoying the sounds of shattering glass.

After destroying most of the living room I moved towards the dinning room in a frenzy. I stare right at my mother's china cabinet. She collected thousands of dollars worth of collectible pieces, as well as things that have been passed through generations of O'Shea's.

I stared right at the glass separating me from the pristine china. The voice in the back of my head begs me to stop, to quit my crazy actions. But another voice, a much stronger one, screams all the words my mother has told me. the sound of her voice and terrible words sets me off, my mind once again hostage of the anger.

I break every last piece, the high of my fury over, guilt washing over every inch of my body. I go limp and fall to the floor, laying in my sorrows.

I finish explaining my twisted past to Harry as tears find there way down my cheeks. He just sits there for a moment as if he needed to absorb the new information before revealing his reaction.

Instinctively he whips the tears from my face and stares at me. His face is impossible to read, I was afraid of his reaction.

"Harry?" I ask. He turns so he couldn't look me in the eyes.

"What?" He snaps. I flinch, hurt by his tone.

I stand up and look at him. "So this is it? Your going to end this just because of one mistake of my past? I'm so ashamed of that person but I've changed. This shouldn't effect us now? Why would you let this change what we have? Your crazy too, you f.cking kidnapped me!" I scream, he remains in the same fixed position.

I run out of the room and go into the bedroom. I try to control the violent sobs but they take over my entire body.

I slept alone suffocating under all the things that went wrong today.