Across the Hall (girlxgirl)

twenty-four

• E m b e r •

It had been a long time since I had been this scared.

I knew how to handle guys like Damon, and guys like Bill, but what I couldn't handle was the fact that in a time of overwhelming fear and dark memories, Naya's arms were the safest place I could think of. It terrified me that I couldn't even cry until she had enveloped me, wrapping me in an air of protection I'd never felt before- I fucking hated it, I hated the relief and comfort Naya brought me. The security was almost addictive for my emotionally starved state and it was the only reason I even allowed myself to be weak enough in front of her to ask her to stay, and yet I couldn't help but be relieved that she did.

"Do you feel any better?" Naya asked gently as we lay in bed, facing each other with the covers pulled high. We had dressed in pyjamas, drank some tea and found our way back to my bed, unable to go to sleep just yet.

"Yeah, I do. Thank you, Naya, for everything." I whispered as she smiled softly.

"It's no problem Ember, I'm just glad you're safe." She whispered back. "But it's good you called, you should always call me when you need help." She urged as my cheeks heated up, hoping the darkness cloaked me.

"Thanks for the offer but I don't think you can help me, I'm cursed." I sighed, barely being able to make out her frown in the dark.

"Cursed?"

"Yeah," I smiled sadly. "I think maybe it's genetic? Maybe I'm just doomed to have a bad taste in people, just like my mum did."

"You don't mean that Em," she whispered softly. "Yes, Damon is an asshole, not everyone is going to be like him. The right person is going to see you Ember, you're too wonderful not to notice." She murmured, trying to reassure me but I wasn't so easily convinced and for the first time in my life I finally trusted someone enough to tell them why.

"You know what I told you on the pool chairs was true? You were my first kiss but I'm not a virgin." I started, turning to stare at the ceiling so I wouldn't see Naya's reaction to what I was about to tell her. "Growing up wasn't fun, I mean it was bad enough to have a mum who had more problems than I could count but being a mixed, redheaded kid with frizzy hair only made things so much worse. No one really wanted to be my friend, kids thought I was ugly and dressed kinda weird, but I had the piano and violin and I was used to having no one so I didn't care much, or at least I tried not to.

"But then, when I was around thirteen my mum had child protection called on her by the neighbours after a really bad screaming match, or maybe my teacher found out about my mum's boyfriend at the time trying to use my back as an ashtray as a form of discipline." I sighed, building the courage to continue. "Anyways, I had to stay with a foster family while my mum cleaned up her act. There were six of us in the house, the foster parents didn't really care about us though, I think they just saw us as a government grant cheque. I was the new kid though so those kids didn't like me very much either- except one, a boy named Justin. He made me laugh and feel understood and even though he was about sixteen, seventeen years old he was my first friend." I smiled before I took a deep breath.

"Ember, you don't have to-" Naya started, her hand seeking to offer comfort and against my better judgement I found myself taking it.

"No, it's okay, nothing bad happened." I shrugged, clearing my throat. "One night while everyone was asleep we were up late, watching a movie on this tiny little box TV in his tiny little room, drinking cheap vodka he'd swiped from the liquor cabinet when a sex scene came on. He was drunk, and so was I for the first time in my life. He asked me if I knew what it was, what was happening on the screen and I said yes, even though I only had a vague idea. I really wanted to impress him and I didn't want him to think of me as this dumb little girl because I was terrified of losing him- my only friend. I thought I answered correctly cause then he smiled at me, and asked if I wanted to try it... I think I hesitated but he said I could trust him, he said it was always best to do it with someone you trusted, someone who cared about you. I didn't even know how 'it' was done but I liked the way I felt when he said he cared about me so I said yes." I sighed as Naya squeezed my hand, giving me the courage to turn to her, clearing the lump in my throat.