Back in the Saddle

The Part from Anthony

A/N: So as you all know (well, at least I hope), Anthony, in this fic of mine, is the son of Joe and Annie. He's seven years old. I haven't really put him in much, but I feel like it'll be easier to write this chapter from the point of view of a young kid because basically all I've gotta do is look back at my old journals... ok wow mommy/daddy-issue jokes are fun. ok.

—

-

Anthony

6/05/85

So last night, I spent the night at my Gramma and Grampa's house. It's kind of far away, but Mom drove me over because she said Uncle Stevie was having a party. So we watched Jeopardy and I had some Rocky Road ice-cream, and then Gramma tucked me into bed and we read a story. I wasn't really tired. I really just wanted to go to Uncle Stevie's party, but... Mom said it's for adults only. I guess that makes sense, but it's still not fair.

So I laid awake for a little bit before I was able to fall asleep. I could hear Gramma cleaning up in the kitchen. Then, eventually, I could hear her turning the pages in her book and Grampa flipping through the newspaper. And then I guess I fell asleep.

And then there was a loud knocking sound on the door to the apartment. I don't know what time it was, but it was still dark out. After a few more knocks, I heard a light turn on and then Gramma or Grampa getting the door. It was Gramma that quietly whispered, "Annie?!" She sounded really surprised.

And then I heard my mom's voice. It sounded like she was crying. "Mom," she had said. I was really confused. So I got out of bed and tiptoed to my door; it was cracked a bit so I could see out.

Yep, there was Mom in the doorway, hugging Gramma. And Mom was crying. And that scared me. I didn't know why she was crying. I'd never seen her cry before. It made me want to cry. It made me want to go out and hug her like Gramma was. That's why, when Gramma asked, "What's wrong?" I crept out of my room and over to my mom. I hugged her waist because Gramma had her shoulders. Mom didn't seem to notice me.

"J–Joe," she cried. I hugged her harder. And then she noticed me and she said a bad word. She put her hand in my hair and brushed it back. And she told me to go back to bed, but I didn't want to. I wanted to keep hugging her, tighter and tighter to make her stop crying.

"What're you doing, sweetie?" my mom asked me. Her voice was really quiet and teary.

I answered her easily. "I'm hugging you like Daddy does when he says you're sad." But that seemed to make things worse. She started crying really hard again and it scared me again, and I started crying. I didn't know why she was crying.

Then Gramma took my arm and led me into my room again and she told me to go back to sleep. But I told her I didn't want to because Mommy was right outside and she was sad and that Dad wasn't here to hug her and make her feel good. I didn't know why she didn't just go home to Dad so he could make her feel better. He always makes her feel better.

I voiced all of those thoughts to Grampa when Gramma sent him in after she left. It made Grampa look really sad. Then there was another voice in the kitchen, along with my mom and Gramma's. It was a man's voice. But it wasn't Dad's. The first word he said was another bad word. This one was a really bad word. I've only ever heard Uncle Stevie say it, and that's how I knew that the new person was Uncle Stevie. After that word, he said, "Annie, thought I'd lost you..."

//\\

Annie

"Steven," my mom said, surprised again. "What're– what're you doing here?"

"What time is it?" I heard Anthony ask my dad in the other room. If I weren't so... off... I would be scolding Steven for saying, Fuck.

"Late," my dad had responded with a yawn. "Why don't you try to sleep?"

" 'M not tired," Anthony said. I sighed.

"Yeah, what are you doing here?" I asked Steven, not intending to sound rude. I still sounded sad. I heard Anthony say that he wished someone would hug me. That made me cry harder.

"I wasn't gonna let you fuckin' drive off," Steven said, sounding pissed. "You were drunk. I wasn't sure where you were going."

"Where else would I go?" I ask.

"Home?" Steven offers, almost sardonically.

"Don't fucking yell at me," I said.

"Then don't leave like that!" Steven exclaimed.

"Not right now, not right now!" my mom said, trying to ease peace. "Let's get some sleep, yeah? We'll all talk in the morning, okay?"

Steven and I nodded, but I ended up sitting at the kitchen table for quite some time. Steven sat next to me, hand on my shoulder, occasionally giving it a squeeze. At some point, my dad and Anthony went into my parents' room. It had to be around three in the morning by then.

"Your mom's right," Steven said softly, voice thick from probably holding back tears as well. How he's not completely freaked out yet, I don't know. "You should probably get some rest."

"Yeah," I say, neither agreeing nor disagreeing.

"So... c'mon," Steven said, leading me to my old room. I was crying again at the thought that Joe and Lainey are probably together right now, and here I am, alone, sad, cold, crying.

Steven sat down next to me on my bed. He gave me a sad smile before heading for the couch in the other room. "Wait," I said in a small, quiet, scared, voice. Steven stopped. "Please, don't leave." I've really had enough leaving for one night.

And so Steven came back over and sat down again. I slid over in the slightest to give him room to lay next to me. He seemed unsure at first, but really, I just didn't want to be alone tonight. When he realized that I meant Stay all night, he made himself comfortable in the small bed; I laid my head on his arm. "Don't leave," I whispered again in a broken voice.

He kissed my forehead. "I would never," he promised.

—

-

A/N: tears.

Comment and vote