Back in the Saddle

The Drunk Part

Steven

"Is it just like impossible for me to find love?  Like... I find someone and I think they're absolutely perfect for me, but then something happens and it's done.  There's nothing.  And I'm left alone, sad, and actually kinda mad because this one isn't my fault!

Yeah, with you and Charlie it was my fault... big time my fault... but...

I DIDN'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING!

I have done literally nothing and for some reason Lainey thinks that Joe is the better choice!

What the hell is up with that?!  What the fu–"

"Steven..." Annie said, not really sure what else to say.

I blinked back to reality.  Anger was getting the best of me again.  "Uh, sorry," I muttered.  Annie's probably not the best person to complain about this to.  After all, she was cheated, too.

She waved her hand.  "It's... fine.  Yeah.  It's fine," she promised.

I know it's not fine.  I know she doesn't want to talk about this.  The last thing she wants to do is listen to be bitch about my relationship problems when she's faced with the same–if not worse–issue. "No..." I mutter.  "It's not.  Let's talk about something else..."

She nods slowly, relieved for the change.  I pour her another drink, as my cup was still filled.  Together we'd knocked back a little under half a bottle of whiskey in the past hour.  We haven't been drinking to get drunk; we've been talking about all the shit that's happened recently, and just so happen to be drinking while doing so.

"I feel bad that I can't be there," Annie admitted.  "Like with Anthony," she explains, then shrugs.  "But... I just don't want to be around him.  This is what... how many times has be been with other people, like, on the side... when I'm not around?"

I thought it was a rhetorical question for a good few minutes.  But when I realized it wasn't, I made haste to answer without thinking about who I was talking to: "You don't wanna know," I chuckled darkly.  She stiffened and I instantly recognized what I had done.  "Oh, shit... it's, uh–"

"Yeah," she cut me off with a snap.  Okay, she's got a good reason to be mad– I said something uncalled for.  "Like you're any better," she scoffed.  Ouch.  "And how many women have you been with?" she challenges.

"Since I've been with Lainey or just in total?"

"With Lainey," she says with a shrug.

I frown, answering honestly. "None," I say simply.

She splutters for words.  "None?"

I shrug.  "Yeah.  None.  I'm done doing that.  It hurts more than just me, I've realized.  It affects everyone involved around me and the girl.  Like, affects in a bad way."

Annie stares into her glass.  "I guess you're right."

"I am," I say.  "I know I am.  I've done it plenty of times now.  Too many times.  I regret it.  Really, I do..."

"I know," she mutters.

"I went to Charlie's," I blurt suddenly.

Annie looks up at me with breakneck speed.  "What?!"

Playing with my fingers, I stare into my drink, as she was.  But now she's burning holes in the side of my head with her gaze.  "Uh, yeah... I went to her house in Boston... That's where I went when I left your parents'... Was just a coincidence she was there.  I dunno why I went but... I did.  If only to see Alice or Tom, but... still... I dunno.  I wanted to talk to her again."