Back in the Saddle

The "How Could You" Part

This part is interesting. Don't hate me by the end... lol. this isn't just another random post that will happen yearly. Im going to actually try to get this done within the next few months. And now... A recap, because holy shit I'm alive. Joe and Annie got their divorce. Annie spared the boring details, saying how it was a numbing experience. She knew it was something that needed to be done, just like everything else that's happened in her life. She doesn't hate joe for being unhappy. She promises herself she'll be okay one day. Steven and charlie continue to talk on the phone, now more frequently than ever. Steven pours his heart out to charlie, reminding her of their weekend at the lake when he realized she's all he needs. Before charlie is able to respond, Steven hangs up. And now......

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Steven

Annie and Joe finalized their divorce. They signed the papers, and now Annie and Anthony live in that big house, and god knows where Joe is. I need to see Charlie again. I feel like that phone call wasn't enough. I need to tell her in person how much she means to me, I need to show her, and I need her to see that after eight years, I haven't stopped loving her.

I suppose that's why it was so easy for me to end things with Lainey. Sure, I was mad at her because she went and slept with my best friend. But looking back, even though I told her I loved her, even though I couldn't get her off my mind, and needed her on tour with me... it wasn't love. I guess I was just so elated to finally be feeling something again other than pleasure while I'm with a woman. Lainey is a nice girl, and she made me feel good in more ways than one. Lainey and I weren't together just for the sex, we had a friendship. And she's the first person since Charlie that I've had that with. And it was nice. But it wasn't love. I thought it was, because I'd forgotten what love feels like. No, it was just momentary happiness. Something that made me feel like I had a purpose. A reason to write, perform. She was an inspiration to me. But I never loved her. After running into Charlie at the grocery store, then at her dad's house; after yelling in her driveway; after talking on the phone... it's always been Charlie. And that's who it needs to be.

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Joe

Lainey traced her fingers around my chest, half laying on top of me, half not. I lit a cigarette with one hand while keeping my other hand low on her bare back. The sheets were tangled at our feet. I just got divorced from my wife of seven years, and my best friend of, well, life. I just made love to a girl I've known for a few months. But this girl has made me feel things I haven't felt for years. Things I haven't felt since I lived in Hopedale.

Do I have regrets? Of course. I just threw away a lifelong relationship with my first love, and the way I did it is pretty douche-y. But do I wish it hadn't happened? No. Sure, things could have gone differently. I should have talked with Annie long before I decided to start talking to Lainey. Truth is, I've been having these thoughts since I first left Aerosmith. I wish I would have told Annie sooner. I wish I could have saved her from some of the pain I know she's in, but she's doing so well to hide. I know she'll be okay though. Like everything, there will come a time where she'll look at this moment and feel nothing. No sadness, no anger, maybe a slight memory of an emotion, but I know she will be okay. She always is.

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Annie

I set three plates at the table, three napkins, three forks, three knives, three glasses. One with lemonade, two with wine. White wine, so that it would be sweet and so that we could tolerate the taste.

I served the roast beef onto the plates, added the mashed potatoes. I didn't cook it, but I called the two boys into the kitchen for the dinner. Neither one of them came.