Back in the Saddle

Signed, Sealed, Delivered

Annie

I didn't want to make the call. I didn't want to be the one to do it. But if I know Joe, then I know he won't be the one to start things off. I'm going to have to be the one to file the dispute... even though I agreed to it in the first place. Can I even file a dispute against my own file? I don't know. I don't know anything. I don't understand why this all has to happen like this...

"Linda Haller's desk," said the voice of a young woman on the other end of the phone. It was late in the afternoon on a Friday, and I hoped my lawyer hadn't left the office yet.

"Hi," I said, "Is Linda available? It's Annie... Perry." The name felt forced leaving my mouth. The mere thought of one day saying Annie Capello again made me sick. I don't know if I'd want to even change my name; Anthony has this last name.

Within seconds, a much older-sounding woman picked up the phone. "Hi Annie, it's Linda."

"Hi," I said quietly, suddenly feeling the need to sit down. "Um, Joe's moving."

"He's moving?" she asked, sounding surprised.

"Yeah, to Boston. He wants custody of Anthony."

She sighed. "Hold on a moment," she muttered, "let me get out your file."

My hand was slick with sweat against the phone, and my legs felt weak even though I was sitting down. I felt sick. I heard the click of Linda picking the phone back up and taking me off hold. She clucked her tongue quietly, undoubtedly reading over my files.

"Alright," she said after a minute. "Clearly the custody agreement you two signed on won't work with this move..."

"Right," I agreed breathlessly. "He wants Anthony's permanent residence to be with him, and I'll only see him on the weekends. But that doesn't make any sense... Anthony lives here—he's always lived here–" I was getting upset, so I cut off. I didn't particularly want to be sobbing to my lawyer.

"Okay," she said. "I'm sorry, Annie," she added genuinely. "Hmm... we'll have to reopen the case. Which is fine; it hasn't been processed and closed yet, though the deadline is close. Massachusetts allows a one hundred-twenty day processing period. Let me call Joe's lawyer and we'll discuss what's going on."

I didn't say anything. I didn't have anything to say. I can't believe I have to do this.

"Why don't you come by on Monday and I'll have some papers for you to give to Joe. Can you do that?"

"Yeah," I said quietly. "Yeah." And with that, I had hung up the phone and drank my night away.

And now, presently, it's Monday. Which means I need to go pick up some papers and deliver them to Joe.

It's strange how I used to love seeing him. His pretty hair and beautiful face. Now I'm filled with dread at just the thought of seeing him. My stomach twists and my throat tightens up, and my heart just aches.

I make small talk with the receptionist while she alerts Linda that I've arrived. And soon enough, I'm sitting in Linda's office once more, feeling like I kind of just want to pass out.

Linda reviews the papers with me and I nod along like I'm understanding everything she's saying. There's some that state a dispute has been made against our original agreement, and others detailing the new custody proposal that Linda and I came up with. I can't seem to think straight, and the explanation just gets jumbled around in my already overloaded brain.

I wasn't trying to be greedy with the new proposed agreement. That was never the goal. The things I said to Joe during our argument were just words. I trust him with our kid; of course I trust him. I just want this to be as smooth as possible for Anthony. And right now, it isn't. I want to be able to split the time so that Joe and I can see him equally, so we're not constantly fighting over him, so we don't have to go months without seeing him... I don't want that for myself nor Joe, and especially not Anthony.