Finding Solace

12--oh now you speak?

Hehe guess who started typing, got hungry, stood up, made a smoothie and ate some snacks, watched a movie then took a 'short nap', and is finally back but doesnt know what to type.........THIS GIRL!!!!!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

After finally getting my schedule and school map from the office, i was headed to my first lesson of the day...history!
History isnt exactly a subject i hate but to be honest it depends on how boring the teacher is.

Making friends is not an option, i was brought here by force and not by choice so i might as well decide what im going to be doing here away from my so called brothers.

As usual i took in a few deep breathes, didnt even bother to fake a smile then almost turned around to run out when i saw all the faces that turned towards me. i just stood there awkwardly.

"Come on in!" the voice made me snap my head up at the 5"8 lady with a caked up face and wide smile in front of the class.

"class we have a new student in our midst today, this is carmela, would you like to say somethingto the rest of the class?" she asked directing the last part to me as i looked up at her.

"no, thank you!" i quickly replied while she just frowned and i think i heard a snicker?

"well im miss gracie, you can come to me at anytime" she stopped then looked around a bit before signalling to a seat at the back for me to go sit at.

I think it was just 5 minutes into the class and i already wanted to throw myself out of the window, the class was too suffocating.

half the students were on their phones or whatever, the others were just talking amongst themselves, i think only one or two people were actually listening to the teacher who sure couldn't care less. TEACHER'S PET!!!

As much as i didnt want to give a bad impression on my first day of school, i couldnt help dozing off a bit.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

so far I'm proud of myself for surviving till lunch.....

i sat still on my seat after french class with no intention of going to the cafeteria, i sighed before opening my back pack to bring outthe food lorenzo packed for me. i suddenly caught myself smiling at the memory of sandro whining that lorenzo had never made anything for him. As much as i didn't want to waste any of the food i couldn't bring myslf to eat it, i didn't even want to get used to any of this.

i watched as she prepared food, for them. The smile on her face was only for them, not me. She would make me sit and watch them create happy family memories, reminding me that i didn't belong. Everyday, i would take sit there and wait for her, maybe she would turn to me, smile at me, kiss my forehead and tell me she loves me and its all going to be alright, maybe i would get even the littlest piece of food. until i gave up, on her, on love. even my own mother didn't love me then who would???

••••••••••••
The sound of the bell finally brought me back to reality as i hurriedly stood up from the chair, grabbed my back pack and the lunch box not bothering to even check the content as i hurriedly left the class.

I frowned as i looked at my time table,i definitely am not mentally prepared for maths, i decided to ditch.

I kept roaming the halls aimlessly as I had no idea where to go until maths class was over, I suddenly got dragged into a room.