lost in my pain || 𝙃𝙐𝙀𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙂𝙆𝘼𝙄 ✔ [2]

heart to heart

I sigh as we sat in Taehyun and I's room, and I just leaned against the wall, my neck aching a little from sitting in the same position. It was sort of nerve-wracking to have Bahiyyih just sitting next to me, trying to comfort me as much as she could. I had to tell Taehyun and Yeonjun that I would be okay with Hiyyih alone. I had to talk to her anyways. She was my little sister and was the best one I could ever have.

"Hyuka," She says, grabbing my hand, smiling a little at me. A smile pulls at my lips but I don't really smile. "What do you want to talk about, sweetie?" I shrug, my heart numb as it could be.

"We can talk about anything I guess," She squeezes my hand, showing her support through it. She wasn't going to rush me at all, I could tell she wouldn't. Unlike Beomgyu even if he was trying his best to be supportive. I close my eyes, sucking in a breath slowly and letting it out slowly.

"How are you?" Her voice breaks the silence and I squeeze my eyes shut, biting my lip harshly. "Don't... don't hurt yourself, Kai." I keep biting my lip until she swats my shoulder and my eyes flutter open, staring at her. "Sorry,"

"N-no, no it's okay," I tell her feeling a bit awkward. She looks away and lets out a loud breath.

"I know... I just.. Just tell me whatever you'd like, Hyuka, I'm here for you." I squeeze her hand, silently thanking her for everything she had done for me.

"I'm okay though," I lie, and she pulls away from my hand, making the warmth and comfort from her disappear. She shakes her head disbelieving. "I am okay, Bahiyyih, why are you so-"

"Why are you lying? After all we've gone through.." I frown, a lump in my throat as fear starts rise in my stomach even if there's no reason to be afraid. It's Sik's fault for making me so upset about everything.

"I'm sorry," She shakes her head and asks me how my injuries are. I thank her in my head for changing the subject. I just don't want to talk about my mental health even if I tell her I'm okay or not.

"The doctor says my cuts and stitches are healing nice.. I don't have to worry about my bruised ribs that much, I can breathe better..." She smiles happily and pats my arm. I wince and try to hide my reaction but she sees it.

"Oh, I'm sorry.. Do you not want me touch you like that?" I laugh crazily and she looks at me concerned.

"Thanks for asking. You're the only one who's asked," She frowns even more. "I- It's fine, Hiyyih."

"No.. people should ask you for your permission," I shrug my shoulders and she tells me to continue. Since when did my little sister become so sweet and adorable?

"I only have a minor concussion... but I still get dizzy sometimes." She wrinkles her forehead and stands up abruptly making me surprised.

"What are you doing?" She puts her finger up to her lips as if to tell me to be quiet.

"I'm going to get a painkiller for you," I gasp in shock. "Yes I saw you wince while you were stretching earlier," I shook my head in disbelief. I can't believe she saw so much. I have an amazing sister.

"You stay right there," I nod and watch her leave the room and I saw my pile of plushies on my bed. I got to my feet, my ribs aching a little. As I walked over to my bed, I felt my vision go a little blurry and I nearly stumbled onto my bed.

"Oppa!" Bahiyyih suddenly exclaims making my abrupt headache worsen. "Are you okay?" She hurries to my side and grasps my elbow supporting me a little.

"I just.. just wanted a plushie," She grins fondly and I glare at her. She keeps grinning as she helped me sit down on my bed.

"Here you go, Kamal," She scans my face as she hands me the pills and water. I take the pills and swallow the water down, hoping the lump in my throat disappears. She sits down next to me, and looks at me smiling. I look down at her and she giggles for no reason.

"You're trying to not smile," She points out, giggling even more. I huff teasingly and tickle her neck a little. She giggles more and I just smile at her. "Aha! You're smiling now!"

"I love you, little sister," I say fondly, forgetting about all my mental health problems and everything with Sik. It wasn't bothering me right now. I just wanted to be with my little sister who had done so much for me.

"And I love you, Hyuka oppa,"

---

"HYUKA!" A voice screams and I get out of my bed, my feet slamming on the floor to see Taehyun thrashing in his bed, his sheets messed all over him and thrown everywhere. I wrinkle my eyebrows, realizing he was having a nightmare. I grab his shoulders and try to pin him down so he doesn't hurt himself anymore.

"Hey, hey, Hyunnie, I'm here, don't worry," He whimpers, still trapped in his nightmare.

"N-no," He cries, a tear falling down his reddened face, "Don't go," I shake him a little trying to get him out of it. He wakes up, breathless and wide-eyed. He looks around to see his surroundings but when his eyes land on me, he mutters something before wrapping his arms around me. Taehyun squeezes me tightly, saying my name over and over. I wince and try to pull away, as the claustrophobia made me freak out a little.

"Oh, s-sorry,"

"It's okay, hyung," I say gently, knowing he probably had a horrible nightmare. "You okay, Tae?"

He sighs and runs his hand through his tussled hair. "I.. I dreamed that you got shoved into the bookcase over and over, it was awful."  I frown, running a hand on his back gently to soothe him.

"I'm okay, hyung, I'm here," He looks at me through the darkness, and touches my face a little.

"You still have cuts,"

"They are healing," I insist trying to lessen his worry. "I don't have a very bad concussion anymore,"

"I'm sorry I woke you up, Hyuka," I hate being a burden to my hyungs, I wish he didn't have to have nightmares about me. He shouldn't have to go through that stuff. I yawn, and he tells me to go to bed.

"Are you sure?"

"I- I'll be okay," Taehyun sighs and then gets up from his own bed after I had gotten comfortable in my own. He asks me if he can sleep with me and I smile in the dark room.

"Of course, hyung,"

For once I was happy and safe.