Deserve You, Not *** (Camren)

Chapter 23: Taking A Break

Lauren's POV

Sitting in front of the woman I loved the most, It was hard to look at her face when I told her I accepted the project. I could tell that she did not take it well. She did want me to take the project at the beginning when things were good back in Spring. She definitely doubted it now. Her tears were building up in both of her sad brown eyes. She looked confused. She looked lost. She looked helpless.

I rejected the project the first time because I wanted to spend more time with her. At that time, I thought our relationship was not strong enough to separate by distance for a longer time. It was not only that she was that person who needed physical closeness, but also her fluctuating mood and anxiety could bring her to another dark side. When she was on that side, she could do things without thinking much.

Therefore, I thought we needed to spend more time nourishing our love before we could have a long distance. If our love was strong, I could leave for the project, feeling at ease. It was not that I was afraid that she would leave me, but she would do a stupid thing, just like she did with her public boyfriend weeks ago. I knew she loved me, but love was not enough, wasn't it? I loved her, too, but I did not want us to share our love with others.

I knew she was drunk when they kissed, but it was hard to accept that my girlfriend kissed her public boyfriend. She knew I did not like her PR stuff. She should have been more cautious with what she was doing. I also did not like it when she drank because she could not control herself sometimes. I could not complain much about it as she did not like it, too, when I smoked. It was one of the things we should work on it if we still wanted to be together.

I knew she was drunk, but it still hurt every time it crossed my mind. I did know what she was thinking that night. I wondered what made her do such a thing. I didn't want to ask further how she ended up kissing him. She might not know how to explain it. It made me assume that she probably got a little crush on Sean, whether she realized it or not. I knew she could get along with him more than all her previous public boyfriends.

Sean was a nice guy. I never met him, but Normani told me so. Normani met him once for a project, and Dinah also mentioned that Sean was a decent guy. I did not, and I could not blame him though. He did not know Camila had a girlfriend. If I were in his position that night, I would want to kiss Camila, too. I could not blame him if he wished to have something real with Camila. Some PR turned into something real.

Wondering how the kiss started made me think that there must be sexual tension between them. It was not possible for somebody put something in their drinks. If somebody did, they would not know how to stop it, unless she did not tell me the truth. Although she kissed him and hurt me, I knew she did not lie. Otherwise, she would not tell me about it at all. I appreciated her honesty. It meant she remembered what we agreed on when we started our relationship.

Although I knew she could not reject it, I was still not happy when she started the PR stuff again. She said it herself that she was not going to do it again, but she did it again. I was already mad at her when she did not tell me in advance before she did the PR stuff. What happened that night at his place made things worse. I was so furious, thinking about how she let it happen and imagining how he kissed and touched her. I thought it was better not to know the details, but not knowing also made my mind think of many things.

I even could not stop thinking about it when I looked at her lips. I did not know if I could kiss her the same again. I might be thinking of how they kissed when I kissed her. Kissing was already a problem, how about sex? I did not know if I could touch her and make love to her without thinking about how he touched her or how she let him touch her. All of this made me furious and made me feel like a fool. If it was not because of the love I had for her so much, I would have ended our relationship that night.