You've been cerved.

Claire

Stuck behind the consignment store cash register, Claire was fuming over her phone.

"Vikram, I told you I don't want to discuss it!"

Vikram, on the other end of the line, doggedly pursued his point. "I just want you to know that I support your decision, whatever it is. You're my beloved wife, and I don't want you to - not now, Benny, I'm on the phone. Benny, please stop - OW! Benny! Mom, would you please - where is Meera? Grace! Where's your - OW, BEN! WHY?"

Claire rolled her eyes and wondered what was taking Inez and Andersen so long in the back. What did they go back there for? Claire couldn't remember. Her mind was like a sieve these days.

Vikram grunted, obviously in pain. "Where was I? Claire, I think you and I should schedule some private time to talk next week, and since my sister's here, I thought I could take us out for a nice meal or something?"

Claire blew a raspberry. "Where, Vikram? Pizza Hut? Once we see the plumber's bill, we aren't going to be going out anywhere that doesn't have a 99 cent menu. If those still even exist...it's been so long."

Vikram sighed audibly, and then gasped. "Charlie! Charlie, get down from there! No, you are not a dog! Stop it! Pull your trousers up! CHARLIE NO! That's your sister's back pack!"

Claire heard Grace and Charlie shouting in the background.

"Charlie! Pee in the TOILET! Or at least the yard!" Vikram hollered.

Claire narrowed her eyes. "Grace wants a new back pack."

"What?" Vikram panted. "What'd you say?"

"Grace put Charlie up to it, Vikram! Grace wants a new back pack and I told her not until she learns to take care of the one she has - she probably told Charlie to pee on it so we'd have to buy her a new one! Put me on speakerphone NOW! GRACE, DO YOU HEAR ME! I KNOW YOU TOLD CHARLIE TO PEE ON YOUR BACK PACK! IF HE DOES, YOU WILL STILL WEAR IT TO SCHOOL, I SWEAR TO GOD! I WON'T EVEN WASH IT! DO YOU HEAR ME!"

Vikram vocally winced. "Claire, you're not on speakerphone yet. Anyways, it's too late," Vikram sighed, then brightened. "I bet my sister will get Grace a new back pack if Grace asks her."

Claire's lips formed a grim line. "Your sister throws around money like it's going outta style, Vikram. Why can't she help with your mother's expenses instead of us?"

Vikram took a deep breath. "Manhattan is very expensive, and Meera is a very social person. Besides, my mom is very helpful to us."

Claire laughed.

"She is!" Vikram insisted.

"I may not be on social media, Vikram, but I've seen your mom's phone and she is a dedicated follower of your sister's insta-whatever. Meera lives a lifestyle that would put Kim Kardashian to shame. I'm pretty sure she's had her nose done recently," Claire said.

"Doesn't matter - that's Meera's money that Meera earns. It's not our place to tell her what to do. Besides, we have everything we need, don't we?" Vikram protested.

"For now," Claire said ominously.

Both of them were silent for a moment.

Vikram whispered, "If only I'd used a condom..."

Claire made a loud "Mwah!" sound, cutting Vikram off. Then she ticked off tasks on her fingers. "Listen, I can't talk right now. I've got a lot going on. I need to plan the funeral, steal Andersen's peg legs, take Saint Anita up to Richmond, kill JJ at least once, possibly plant some poison ivy next to Lara's mailbox..."