You've been cerved.

Claire, Inez, and Tamra

"OH MY GOD!" Claire repeated.

"What?" Inez asked.

Tamra looked around nervously.

Claire stood ramrod straight, her eyes fixed forward, her mouth agape. "Oh my GOD!" She said again.

"Maybe she's having a stroke," Tamra whispered to Inez.

Claire slapped her forehead. "I can't - I mean, I just can't believe it! It's like I was wandering around here blind and now my eyes are open! Jesus Christ!"

"Uh-oh. You may be in trouble," Tamra murmured, sliding away from Inez.

Claire turned to face Inez with an angry scowl. "I mean, why didn't you tell me, Inez? You're my best friend!"

Inez was tentative. "Claire? What, um...that is...."

"Stop! Don't make excuses!" Claire wrung her hands and turned away. "I've never - I mean, I've just never SEEN one in such PRISTINE condition in real life...I mean, it's like it's never seen vomit!" Claire pointed angrily.

Tamra scratched her head, baffled. "Wait a minute...what are we talking about? Are we talking about the —"

"The Duckydoo!" Claire reverently bowed in the direction of a stroller on display between the two aisles in front of them.

"The ducky-who? Do you mean the stroller?" Tamra took a moment to study the complicated-looking baby carriage parked between store sections dedicated to 'infents' and 'toddlers,' according to the hand-written signs taped to the shelves.

Claire jerked her head around indignantly. "It's not just a stroller you...you...philistine!"

Tamra raised her eyebrows in surprise. "You know that word?"

Inez inspected the stroller in confusion. "Claire, it's a baby carriage. For babies. Your kids are far too big for it."

"Are you joking? I would never let my monsters near this...this investment..." Claire examined the basket under the stroller's seat. "You, you beautiful, beautiful darling...what a lovely tum-tum you have, don't you? Not a scratch on your lovely hide...is this satin? So soft! Awww..." Claire ran her fingers delicately along the tiny mattress.

"Don't use baby talk with an inanimate object, Claire," Inez said disapprovingly.

Tamra crossed her arms. "Crazy, she's crazy."

"Fifty dollars!" Claire suddenly shrieked, ripping the price tag from the stroller. "What the FUCK? INEZ! FIFTY DOLLARS? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?"

Tamra moved to put a rickety cupboard full of baby blankets between Claire and herself.

Inez took a step forward. "Claire?"

Breathless, Claire grabbed Inez by the collar. "INEZ! This is...this is THE DUCKYDOO!"

"The — the what?" Inez gaped at Claire.

"This thing retails for twice the price of my car!" Claire exclaimed, pointing at the stroller.

Tamra, safe behind the baby blankets, called out, "Yeah, but we've seen your car and it's trash!"

"Shut up!" Claire glared in Tamra's direction.

Tamra ducked back behind the cupboard.

Inez slowly worked her shirt free of Claire's fingers. "Claire, I don't really understand..."

"This, this so-called stroller," Claire spit the word 'stroller', "is THE DUCKYDOO!"

Inez and Tamra gave each other blank looks over a pile of pink cotton baby blankets.