𝐼 𝐶𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝐴𝑛𝑦𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒

chapter two

The house on the edge of the street was indeed terrifying, it was a big house sure but the outside made it look like it could belong in a horror show, the house nobody wanted to be in.

Ever.

It wasn't as close to home as if wanted, I'd always wanted to stay close to my dad because he's my dad obviously but because I've never ever been far away from him. It was only a twenty minute drive back home but it felt hours away somehow, I knew that this wasn't my home my home is where my father is.

Always.

The color of the house was a faded dark grey, scratched off alot of the walls, it was barely hanging on the walls. It was painted all around the house and was yet fading out, going back to it's original color which I'm guessing is a..brown? Who knew houses could be so ugly when they aren't fixed?

The lawn had potential, clean and freshly cut. It was the house I was worried about, sure it could be fixed but seeing it now I didn't have much hope.

Standing on the sidewalk, I studied the neighborhood. Quiet, a few houses around us but it was at a respectable space that I enjoyed more than anything, I needed my space. Studying the house from the outside, a pair of arms snake around my waist as a voice comes next to my ear "so? What do we think?" By the voice I know it's Alejandro, his voice sending shivers down my spine. As he asked me i wanted to be honest with him but I knew he loved it, he saw everything as a beautiful piece of art that can be fixed with a little touching up.

"It's... definitely something" I turned around to face him and he's got a questioning look in his eyes, wanting a real answer from me.

"Something is better than nothing...come on can't you picture it?" He turns me back around towards the house and I close my eyes, trying to picture it in my mind.

"Think...a new fresh coat of paint.... beautiful grass, new furniture, new clothes and just...new everything. We can decorate it however we want to, because it's ours. Simply ours".

And with those words I know he was right, because even if it didn't look good now it could definitely be reshaped, transformed into something new.

"I..see it" and tell him and open my eyes to find him smiling down at me, adoring me in such a way I could feel myself become flustered.

"First day is always the hardest. Now...let's check inside..can't be that bad right?" .

....he was wrong.

It looked as if nobody had been here for years...dusty cobwebs covered everything, and I could have sworn I seen a little rat scurry across the carpets....

The kitchen was even worse, scattered dishes, dirt covered the counters...it was horror.

"Okay...." Alejandro comes downstairs from checking out the bedroom and from the fear in his eyes I could tell it was even worse upstairs.

"...well?" I ask him and he sighs, shaking his head. He was hesitant and so was I, but I knew It could be something beautiful..

"...it's perfect. Well not yet but It could be".

I nod and scan the house, imaging everything of ours filled inside the house. Our pictures, furniture, TV, beds and curtains...it looked even better in my head.

"Okay so...first things first we should definitely bomb this house, we should know how many bugs and animals are crashing in our house" he says and I nod, reaching for his head as he pulls me close into him, holding me in his arms.

Small kitchen, huge living room, upstairs with two bedrooms and a bathroom just down the hall. It was...perfect for us..I just knew it would be painful to clean.

"Okay so...let's get to work".

Bombing the entire house takes about a day, it's a toxic poison that kills animals or any insects but it's a long process. So we couldn't even get inside the house so we're at my parent house until the poison settles down. My parent (just my dad) didn't mind they are always happy to see me, besides I could use my mom's opinion on furniture and whatnot. Alejandros choice of style wasn't exactly...pleasing.

"So? How's it going so far?" Helen had spoken first, clattering her silverware against her plate, scraping the fork into the pile of spaghetti. My dad was always the cook for the family, and he was damn good at it. It was his job, he's been a chef for years and it would be a waste for him to ever stop cooking. He knew it too.

"It's... definitely a start. Looks like something out of a horror movie dad" I smile and Alejandro smiles from across the table at me.

"Well you can always move back home" my dad smiles warmly and it pings a type of guilt in my heart, I never intended to move that far away from them but my dad would be the reason I even stayed. My dad is my best friend, I was much closer to him than my..mom. Well she's my stepmom not my actual mom but I consider her to be...In a way.

"Dad...you know I can make my own choices right? I know you want me back home but I'll always be over everyday" I assure him and that's enough to bring a smile on his face. His smile was so contagious, he had this way of lighting every room up when he entered. He was a tall and shaggy kind of guy, scruffy brown beard on his face and a buzz cut that made him look much younger than he actually is. He is the kind of guy to start a party by walking into a room, seriously.

"Well..I'm glad your making your own choices, I hadnt known being 19 means you couldn't do that".

Leave it to her to start an argument. I didn't want to grow up with her as my replacement for my mom but shit I didn't have a choice. It was a difficult moment in my life and I hadn't even told Alejandro about it, it's too hurtful. Too painful. And she knows it too.

"I'm sorry? " I drop my fork calmly onto my plate, raising my eyes slowly to stare into hers.

"Come on your nineteen...not an adult, Anna. You just barely finished high school yesterday...you can't have already have everything figured out by now. It took me years to figure out what I wanted to do with my life".

I could feel my jaw clench as I spoke, trying not to let my feelings interfere with this conversation.

"But I'm not you..I'm my own person. Aren't I?" I spoke and she actually raises her head, shocked I even spoke back. Normally I don't, I let her speak her mind. Sometimes I shouldn't have let her even open her mouth.

"Are you? Do you even know what your doing with your life?".

"Okay...look with all respect Helen, anna is her own person, she's been her own person for years. She's stronger than you think and she knows what she's doing because shes had people to uplift her..not bring her down" Alejandro spoke and from those words the table is silent, even I am because I can't believe him...I had never loved him more than I do now.

Standing up I grab my plate and take a deep breath.

"He's right. Okay? I can do me..I'm stronger than you think. For now I'm tired and need rest. Don't worry I'll be gone by tomorrow...happy?" I plaster a fake smile on my face and turn away, heading towards the kitchen as silence awkwardly follows behind me.

Setting my dish in the sink, I try not to let her words sink in but damn do they sink in quicker than I thought. Instead of washing my dishes I head towards the bathroom, closing the door behind me and taking a seat on the toilet seat, closing my eyes as I feel tears fill into my eyes. She wasn't right...but I couldn't bring myself to rhag truth. So I don't...I sit and cry as silently as I can.