𝐼 𝐶𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝐴𝑛𝑦𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒

chapter twenty-nine (final chapter)

I had tried to  explain  everything to my dad but he had already knew. Last night was an emotional rollercoaster and my dad helped me see the positives and the pros. he hated Alejandro at first because he knew he hurt someone he loved. But he realized he was just a troubled kid and deserved a second chance and deep down I knew it too, because I always believed in second chances. Alejandro had this idea to get couples counseling and at first I hated it but agreed to go because of how hard he was trying for the both of us.

"Do you think counseling is going to work?" Austin had asked as I came to work today as I spilled everything out.

"I do...I believe he can change and so does he and...I think it will work. I hope".

He simply nodded and sat down, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"You are still going to work here right?".

I nod.

"Definitely."

"So...tell me...are you guys having issues in this relationship?".

Today was the first day of our couples counseling and I was both nervous and excited. Ive never been in counseling and didn't know if this was worth it.

I nodded and Alejandro nodded as well, taking a deep breath beside me.

The counselor had wanted to schedule a meeting at our house to get a feel of our home and how we react in our own environment. She was an older woman, heavy set face with deep emerald green eyes and dirty blonde hair that's cut into a bob around her shoulders.

"Alejandro what do you think is a serious problem in this relationship?".

He doesn't say anything before he takes a deep breath, his eyes shutting roughly. His lips part before he speaks and when he does I watch him closely, waiting for him to finally speak. I wanted to know more than anything what was going on...

"Um...I was...I hated drinking. I stopped awhile ago when I met Anna because I wanted to be better for her. But...when I walked out during our date night..I had a call during work and when I had gotten there I..found out my boss had passed away."

His eyes begin to water and when I grab his hand he jumps from the contact before letting my hand touch his. His eyes shut before he lets tears fall down his face and my heart begins to crumble, watching my boyfriend slowly begin to come back, the outer hard horrible shell breaking completely. It hurts to know he couldn't have come to me with any of this...

"I'm sorry to hear that. How does this make you feel?" She asked him softly and her voice is comforting and warm and she reminds me of an amazing grandma you'd always want around, she's got this comforting aura that I'd love to keep around everywhere.

"It made me feel...horrible. He was like a dad to me and it felt like I was losing my father. It hurt and I was angry at..cancer and the world at everything".

She nods as she scribbles it down and I watch him, so many thoughts running through my mind.

"And how do you feel about this Anna?".

"I'm...shocked. I feel bad because I wasn't there and didn't notice but also feel mad because you didn't tell me and I felt like I did something".

Alejandro nods and turns to me, his eyes stained red and blurry.

"I should have told you. I'm really sorry. I just..shut down and didn't feel like I should have told you because I didn't know if you would understand".

"I could have tried. I'm really sorry, I am. I'm always here for you and am sorry you couldn't feel like you could trust me with that information. I love you so much, more than anything and don't want you to ever shut me out" as I speak his eyes water as he grabs onto my hand, holding it tightly.

"Is this all? Or do you feel like there's more?".

He nods as he continues.

"I...started drinking. Alot. Alot at work and couldn't face you at home because I knew i wouldn't be able to control myself... alcohol didn't exactly bring out the best in me....so I'm really sorry. That's why I've been...not myself".

The words finally fit into place as I close my eyes, letting it all finally click. I felt embarrassed, sorry he couldn't have talked to me. I felt relieved that it had nothing to do with me, more with the loss of someone and I understood it more than he knew. Why? Because I had almost lost him..and it felt like I lost my heart. After the session I had realized I didn't lose my boyfriend because of myself, I lost him mentally, emotionally and physically. I was too blind to notice and it was my fault...but part of counseling was to work through it...and we both were. No matter how long it takes.

Six months later***

Washing out dishes from dinner I watch as the diamond ring on my finger become soaked in soap and water and I shut off the faucet and clean it off, drying It completely. Being a married woman made me feel happier than I've ever been, like I was lucky to be married to such a beautiful guy who had eyes for me. And I was lucky...so damn lucky.

A pair of arms slip around my waist and I turn around to come face to face with Alejandro, my eyes meeting his. Therapy had changed us both completely. Not only did it bring Alejandro back, but It helped strengthen our relationship in more ways than one. He's been patient with himself, pacing and taking one step at a time. He hasn't been drinking and I appreciated the fact that he's trying to change and I loved that more than he knew. Both of us had changed for the better, more mature definitely, stronger, better. It had taken months but we had finally did it, and I was happier than ever.

"Do you need some help?" He kisses my cheek, curling me into his arms tightly.

"It's fine! Did you check out that new house I asked?".

"Yes...very nice, in the rich neighborhood as well, very beautiful beach. And we can afford it".

I nod and glance down at my fingers ajd he follows my gaze, watching me curiously.

"What's wrong?".

I shake my head and let my head become clear, remembering he isn't the same...and I knew it.

"Nothing...I can't wait to marry you" I smile softly and he gives me a kiss, softly and gently.

"I've been waiting to marry you....for a long time. I love you so much".

" I love you much more."

His lips find mine again and I let his kiss overcome my body completely, realizing I did love him so much more than I realized.