𝐼 𝐶𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝐴𝑛𝑦𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒

chapter twenty-seven

I loved him more than anything, so damn much it hurt to be without him. He was the light to every single darkness that had entered my life and I never wanted to live without him. Recently he had changed and that change had hurt because he had hurt me in ways I couldn't explain. But I also knew he could change and talk to me if something was wrong but it's as if he couldn't and...I didn't know what to do but to just...let him do what he wanted until he felt the need to come to me.

His arms surround my waist and I try to untangle his arms from under me but he murmurs in his sleep as he tightens his grip and I'm stuck underneath him, naked and completely ashamed with myself.

"I have to pee" I whisper and he groans as he lets me go, and I crawl out from under him and grab my clothes from the floor and slip them on, heading into the bathroom. I hadn't known what last night was but being in his arms felt...safe and yet unsafe in so many ways.

I go into the bathroom and shut the door, getting dressed quickly and leaning against the door. My eyes begin to shut and I take a deep breath before I suddenly feel my eyes start to water, tears falling down heavily.

I felt upset for so many reasons and yet none of them felt right to even say. I shouldn't even be with him right now but I'm drawn to him like magic, forcing me his way, forcing me into his arms.

Theres a knock on the door and I open it to find Alejandro, dressed in sweats and nothing else. His hair is shaggy and baggy and his eyes are droopy and dark, his lips slightly parted. He looked incredibly sexy and I just realized I was crying and probably look like shit.

"Doing the walk of shame?".

I can feel myself become angry, not just with myself but with him.

"Damn right, I can't believe I just..." I run my fingers through my hair.

"You can't believe you slept with your own boyfriend?".

"You are not my boyfriend...you are a monster! I can't...I don't know what I'm doing..." I cried and he takes me in, watching my every move.

"I am your boyfriend seriously? Are we having this conversation again?".

"Yes! You've changed ..I can't be around you I can't talk to you or even have a conversation with you without you turning this into some joke. I miss my boyfriend, I miss our dates and talks and movies and cuddles...I miss Alejandro. But ..you've changed and you can't see that and it hurts so much...it hurts...so fucking much knowing I lost you. Do you even care?".

He's frozen before he takes a deep breath and turns around, leaving me completely in shock. A scream erupts from my body and I let everything out, screaming as hard as I could. I couldn't do this, not anymore.

Alejandro was a jock when I met him, he was on the football team and was in choir and doing so many other things because he had so many talents. I had met him at a party where I accidentally bumped into him and he seemed like a snob at first, saying It wouldn't have happened if I wasn't so clumsy and I wanted nothing to do with him, I had always assumed every jock was an asshole or a snob anyway. He found ways to talk to me, either in the halls or during lunch or class even if he didn't have the same classes he was always there saying hi to me. Getting to know him better was a mistake I didn't realize I'd make until now. I had fallen in love with him the second he told me something personal, about his dad. And I had fallen in love with how he talked, with every single thing because he trusted me enough to talk to me about something personal and I had never felt so honored. Time went by and we eventually dated, going out on awkward first dates and then came meeting the parents (dad) and he was so nervous it was so adorable watching him squirm. My dad had made him uncomfortable many times it was still funny to think about. Moving in I never thought I would seea different man than I do now and it hurt, hurt so badly. I couldn't tell if it was the right thing to do to stay with him or leave him and both options felt excruciatingly painful...

Sitting by the beach I let the water splashing around calm my nerves, I let the sounds of the sand crunching beneath my feet tingle my body, I let the sun tan my skin, the heat comforting and warm. It was quiet, only sounds of the wind blowing seemed like the only sounds in the world. I close my eyes and hug my knees to my chest, letting the nature's of the world overcome my emotions. I didn't want to think about anything except how beautiful earth was.

My dad ushers me inside from the cold snd sits me down on the couch before speaking.

"Is everything okay?".

He nods and takes a deep breath rubbing his eyes, worry perched onto his face.

"He came by..and I think we should talk, Anna".