𝐼 𝐶𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝐴𝑛𝑦𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒

chapter eleven

My dad was at work, he's been working longer hours at the restaurant. Carol was in San Francisco. And I despise Helen. So...I found myself calling an Uber to the coffee shop. It was a strange decision yes but I needed to vent to someone...anyone.

I couldn't drive, yes I am nineteen and can't drive fucking sue me. By the time I reach the cafe, I notice it's packed which was off considering how late it was.

Opening the door I could feel eyes turn my way, but I don't care how many people were here. I needed to think and gather my thoughts because I couldn't help but wonder what was going on with Alejandro. We had been barely moved in not even four weeks in and things had already began to shift and not just because he left our anniversary dinner but because he's never done something like this before. It made me question if something was wrong with me...

Why would he leave if there wasn't?

I make my way towards the counter where Austin is, that same grin on his face since from day one.

"Hey noobie you weren't supposed to start until next week".

"I know I just...can we talk? After...work or whatever?".

He notices how my expression  and nods, gesturing for me to sit down at an empty table. When I do he hands me a cup of coffee I didn't know I desperately needed. Taking off the lid I am filled with a calming sensation as the black coffee fills my nose. I didn't mind black coffee so this was perfect.

"Thank you" I sigh.

About an hour or two go by and I find myself becoming a numb human sitting in a chair, I knew he was my boyfriend blowing off our anniversary didn't seem like something he would do, ever. He wouldn't even be on his phone during a date so I could feel like something was wrong...but I didn't know what. Could work be that bad that he's affected by it?

By the time it closes, I've had three cups of coffee and time to think about every possible outcome on what happened. Maybe he was tired...but if he was tired why didn't he talk to me? It just didn't feel like him to shut me out. Not at all.

Austin closes up the shop and takes off his apron, sitting in front of me.

"What's up? Did you dress up just to talk? It's just a coffee shop " he jokes and I wish I could laugh but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"My um...my best friend is in San Francisco so I can't come to her to talk. You are actually..the only person I can come to" i laugh and he senses how serious I am, settling back against his seat.

"I get it, I mean I may be your boss...well technically not yet but you can still come to me with anything... seriously ".

I did appreciate his response but..I found myself second guessing everything.

"My...well my boyfriend...okay it's our anniversary right? And we went out on a date but he said he had a work thing and just left right in the middle of it...and I'm just confused because...who the fuck does that?" I could feel myself become angry but I tried to hold it down as much as possible.

He shakes his head, disbelief in his eyes.

"I had that happen before. I dated this girl for a few months and...I was probably like you. In love, desperately" he sighs and I  nodded at his words realizing that's exactly how I am, because I couldn't see my life without Alejandro...at all.

"But growing up things between us changed and I didn't notice it at first but eventually she pulled away from me and left me at the worst moment possible ".

His words sink in and I really hope it's not like that...his story didn't help me feel better but only question everything even more.

"I know our stories aren't the same okay? I don't wanna scare you. But if you think he's the one for you then trust him, no matter what. If not then you should talk to him about it, because communication is key...it's important" he speaks and I nod, grateful to have his advice.

"Thank you.. seriously. I'm sorry about your ex though".

He shrugs.

"Women what can I say?".

I burst out laughing and eventually so does he, weight being lifted off my shoulders.

By the time I come home his car is parked and I feel dread creep into my stomach as I unlock the door, stepping inside.

He's waiting by the couch, eyes snapping up when he sees me.

"Anna? What the hell? I was worried sick!" He exclaims, rushing over to me pulling me in for a hug. His embrace is warm and comforting and I find myself melting into it, missing him completely.

"I'm sorry....but... Alejandro what was that? Seriously" I speak softly and he peers down at me, seeing as my eyes fill with tears.

"I'm sorry...I'm..fuck...you know work is.." he stops speaking and closes his eyes.

"I... understand work is work...when duty calls" I joke but my eyes begin to water and I tried my best not to cry because I was supposed to be angry not upset.

"No baby-"

"It's okay. Work is important...I understand. Don't need to be sorry".

His tone shifts completely as he steps back, taking a deep breath.

"Look I am sorry but they needed me at work...okay? I couldn't have let them down".

"Yeah? And what about me? Seriously?" I step forward, raising my eyes at him. I glare roughly and his eyes are filled with a dangerous flare as well, he seems like he's not gonna back down but niether am I.

"You know what work means to me okay? Of course you're important to me Anna but shit...we wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for me working".

His words hit hard as I step back, nodding completely understanding.

"Got it...I..got it" I nod and step past him, not before he reaches out and grabs my arm in instinct, a sharp pain inflicting on my arm. I don't say anything, instead I suck in a breath and stare at him, waiting for him to say something..anything.

"I'm...sorry. "

That's all...he's sorry...

I nod and step away still, wanting to shower, wanting to go away for even just a little while. I head upstairs and into the bedroom, grabbing clothes to shower into and head into the bathroom, closing the door. I don't cry..I don't feel as if I have to.... I feel as if I need to.....better crying than bottling up my emotions.

I take a deep breath and remember who this is. Remember who we are. Remember.. everything. Our memories...I understand his work is important. I get it...I...

Tears flood my eyes as I sink onto the floor, crying as silently as I can before pulling my knees into my chest, letting go completely. I tried to understand but I didn't realize it was harder than I thought.