A Victim's Diary

6

I know I'm the worst, but I genuinely hadn't been expecting anything like this! I had not been expecting my boss to look so good and to be so nice. And I also didn't expect him to show me around the office himself. I would have expected someone from HR to do that or maybe one of the older employees, the person that's supposed to show me how things work in the company, that'll train me up.

But no. Apparently the boss himself is showing me around and is going to look over my work as well. Which really makes me much more nervous, to be honest. I know, I know. He's in his 50s, he could easily be my father and he's my boss, but how is it my fault if he's so handsome? And he's really nice, too!

Of course I'm not going to start anything. I need to keep this job and he's married from what I know, at least. He was wearing a ring, at least. I'm not going to be a homewrecker, no matter how tempting it would be. Plenty of women before me have learnt that lesson, I don't need to repeat the same mistakes.

Either way, the job itself seems alright. The colleagues are pretty nice and there is good coffee as well. Of course, it's a bit boring – it is legal work, after all. But I think I can see myself there in the future. I really hope I can make it far in that place, because it just seems so nice and fancy and just... just amazing. I don't know what else to call it. It's simply perfect, at least so far. I know it was only my first day, but still. I really, really hope it's not going to turn into some awful place to work at! Even if it does... I need the money or I can't finance living in this city much longer. It's just too expensive for anyone I know.

It seems like work could get pretty stressful in this place, but that's alright, I suppose. I mean, I knew what I was getting into when I applied and when I accepted the job offer. The money isn't great now, but I hope I'll be able to move up in the company. They told me that there were a lot of opportunities for that.

I hope I can get a job where in a few years I can buy my own apartment and can finally, finally stop renting. Once I have that all paid off, I won't have to worry much about money anymore. I could basically do whatever I want! Rent is like the biggest chunk that goes out of my income every month, which sucks, because my apartment is already way too small for me. What if I find a partner or anything?

At this rate I doubt I'll ever have kids. It's not that I don't want to have kids, but... well, there are a lot of things that I'll have to work out in therapy first (which I can't pay for) and then finding a place that would have enough space to raise kids in... nearly impossible! It's a shame, really. I wish having children and having good mental health wasn't so expensive. At this rate you'd have to be born into privilege to be able to afford it and while my parents were never poor or anything, they're nowhere near the level of rich that Cora is.

Plus, I'd prefer not to be too dependent on them and their money. I mean, I have my reasons. Not sure if I'm ready to write about that in here or not. Maybe I can write about it when I come back from my visit. I'll be visiting them this weekend and I'll stay over for the entire weekend, so hopefully everything will be okay. I just hate that I never know what's going to happen. But I also don't want to avoid them all the time. They're still my parents after all and I mean... I hate them, but I still love them.

This doesn't make any sense, does it? I don't know. It's hard to really put in words. Maybe some day I'll be able to. If I can ever afford therapy again. I don't really know whether it was helping or not, because it was such a short time... but I think I might like to try again. Maybe. If I can afford it. Why are therapists so expensive? Maybe I should ask about health insurance at my new job. But I don't want to look like I might have to take a lot of time off for health reasons or anything. Because I don't. I'm completely fine. There is nothing wrong with me. Maybe this is a stupid idea, maybe I should just let it be.