I stood in the bathroom and looked at the broken girl inside the mirror in front of me. She looked lost and hopeless. My will to live became less and less.
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Tired, I looked at myself. I took some concealer and covered up the still visible bruise. Meanwhile, I was struggling to hold back tears. My soul felt so broken, as if someone had stomped on it.
After sneaking out of the house, with nothing to drink or eat, again, I started walking towards the bus stop, when I suddenly heard loud engine sounds getting closer and closer to me from behind. My body became alerted. Was I being followed? My body began to shake. I wasn't alone here, but that wouldn't stop everyone. "Rose." I flinched and stopped walking when I suddenly heard a voice coming from behind me.
Fearfully I turned around and saw no dangerous stranger but Erling on his motorcycle, which he had parked in the meantime and got off of it.
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My body began to relax a little bit, but the restlessness stayed. "E-Erling, what are you doing here?" Surprised, but worried about Brody might seeing us, I looked at him. We weren't that far away from my house, which increased the risk.
"I was hoping to catch you before school." He began as he now stood in front of me. "I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. I fell asleep after the game and my alarm didn't go off." He explained to me why he didn't show up.
I remembered, how he didn't show up for his tutor lesson. Yesterday, I didn't even think about it anymore. The only thing I had have in mind was how Brody touched me.
"It's okay." My voice was thin and shaky. I just wanted to forget about yesterday and the day before and the day before yesterday, and so on. Life was torture for me right now, and I couldn't waste a thought about tutoring. Erling shook his head. "I really wanted to tutor you."
I looked up to him into his dark, blue eyes while staying silent. "We can do it today." He then said, confident.
"You don't have to if you don't-"
"I want to, Rose. I really want to." His eyes seemed sincere. I believed him. "Okay. At 6:30 pm again?" I asked quietly. He nodded, looking down at me with soft eyes.
"Okay." I mumbled. "See you later." I said and wanted to get going, because I would miss my bus if I wouldn't get going soon. "Wait. You can come with me." Erling's words stopped me. I turned my face back around to face him. Silently, I looked at him. Why was he being so nice? What did he want for it in return?
"It's not the first time, come on." He grinned. He was right, it wasn't.
Before I would enter a discussion with him, which I would lose anyway, I merely nodded in agreement.
My hands were around his waist while he was driving towards the parking lots. Inwardly, my mind was in process. I hated that I had to wake up everyday and go to school, act like everything's okay, while I'm dying on the inside. Whenever, I was with strangers, my hands got sweaty, my voice became thin and my heart beat fast. Not only strangers, tho. Men in general. Brody had shown me how men really are, what they're capable of. How would I ever be able to love someone? To have sex? Sex, that was actual sex and not rape. The thought of that made my body shiver.
We got up from the Motorcycle. After Erling had helped me with the helmet, he put in the trunk and we walked in the direction of the entry. We were quietly walking next to each other. I didn't know what to say to him, or if I should be saying anything at all.
We were a few minutes early, because the ride with his motorcycle was much faster than with my bus. We were walking to our lockers, which weren't too far from each others. I got my Spanish book out and put in my purse. My eyes wandered to Erling, whom was standing about 3 meters away from me, getting stuff out of his locker. However, my attention was quickly caught by a guy wearing all black. That guy was Miles. He walked past Erling and then straight past me, but not without glazing at me for a moment. Quickly, I looked away and closed my locker. I walked to Erling, who was staring after Miles. His eyes weren't soft anymore.
"Let's go inside." I said, to avoid him getting mad because of Miles presence. His eyes were still fixated on Miles, but shortly after, he turned his head to me and his gaze softened. "Okay." He mumbled.
- later -
The rest of the day went by quickly and without any incidents. I was back at my room, doing some homework, while permanently looking at the clock in my room. In about 30 minutes Erling would show up. And this time for real. Being alone with him in a room again made me feel nervous. But I didn't know if it was because of the fact that he was a boy and he could hurt me all he want, and I couldn't do anything about it - or because he was a guy which I started to hate less and less. Either way, I wasn't hyped about being alone with him.
Not too long after, I finished my homework and went into the bathroom. For the probably hundredth time, I checked my bruise and made sure it wasn't visible. Sadly, I examined my face. I looked sad, empty and broken. In front of people, I always tried to hide it as good as I could, but that wasn't easy.
I tamed my curls before walking back in my room and packing my Spanish material into my bag. Once, I was done with that, I quietly walked downstairs. However, being quiet to not be caught, was not necessary. Downstairs, I could hear voices. Normal voices. No loud or angry or threatening voices, only voices. One of them belonged to Brody, and the other one sounded too familiar to not belong to the person I hoped it wouldn't belong to. I got closer and then my eyes spotted Brody. Right in front of him Erling.
