(rewritten)
We spent the rest of the morning cuddled up in bed, Desiree's smooth legs tangled between mine. Her hair smelt of strawberries and coconut, an odd mix, but one that I can definitely get used to.
We're now in my car on the way back to Desiree's apartment. She has on a pair of my sweat pants and the same button up from breakfast since she didn't feel like putting her quote 'ratty ass dress' back on.
She has her hands folded in her lap, continuously clenching and un-clenching them, a nervous habit of hers I guess?
I reach over and grasp one of her hands in mine, intertwining our fingers together. She glances over at me, the ghost of a smile haunting her pretty lips.
"Is everything alright?" Her cheeks tint a light shade of pink, eyes shying away from mine.
"Yeah.. I was just thinking," Her voice is meek, embarrassed almost.
"About what?" I ask, a knowing smile resting upon my face.
"It's just.. I've never had a boyfriend before, like ever! I'd never kissed a boy before, never purposely touched a boy before.. And then suddenly you come along and that has just all changed." My heart skips a beat, the smile on my face falling.
"What are you trying to say?" I whisper, gulping audible because of my sudden rush of nerves.
"I don't want to rush anything, I know that we've.. You know, sexually connected or whatever but I just don't.. I.. Ugh" Desiree groans, yanking her hand from mine and tugging at the ends of her hair. "I don't want to get hurt Harry, and it just sucks because I know in the end I will!" I sigh, feeling upset for her.
"I'm not going to hurt you Desiree, you're not like anyone I've ever met before," I want her to understand that I'm not in her life just to tear it apart.
"No! No, you're wrong. I'm only going to fall for you Harry. Hard! And there's nothing that I can do about that." It's her turn to sigh, the air in the car becoming thick with emotion.
"Shhh Desiree, everything will be okay, we can take things slow from here. Go on little dates to the movies, walks through the park, have sleepovers and just cuddly through the whole morning-" She stops me mid sentence, a frown creasing her brows.
"Stop," Des cries, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. "Harry, please just stop. That's not going to happen! It can't happen. It isn't realistic."
"Why? Why can't it be," I'm beginning to feel frustrated, and a little offended.
"Because Harry," the volume of her voice is starting to rise the longer we talk about this, "Because I can't be with someone who's job is to literally have sex with other woman every other day. I can't. I never really had anyone growing up, no one could would love me. And so I know I'll fall in love with you." Desiree croaks, rubbing the palm of her hand over the knuckles on her opposite hand. "Hopelessly and foolishly in love with a man that I'll never fully have."
I pull my hand from her lap and grip onto the steering wheel, my knuckles turning white from the pressure.
"Desiree, I promise you, I won't let that get in the way. We can make it work! We can-"
"We can what Harry? You won't quit your job! Even if you did, what would you do then?" Well she's got me there, I have no idea what I would do after this.
Pulling into the parking lot out the back of Desiree's apartment complex, I turn the key in the ignition and pull them out, dropping them in my lap.
"Look, I haven't known you for years and years of my life, but I know I feel something when I'm around you! And obviously you feel the same way! It might not be for the same reasons but we feel the same need. The same pull," I finish, turning my head to make direct eye contact with Desiree's now considerable puffier, red eyes.
"I just don't want to get hurt, Harry," Her frail voice lingers in the enclosed space of my car, the sound breaking my heart.
"I would never intentionally hurt you, Desiree!" My voice is just as quiet as hers, my eyes never breaking the contact we have to further push my point.
"The future is a mystery. We'll never know what's in store for us, but I do know that I will try my hardest to make this the best damn love story to ever go down in history," I lean over and reach my hand out, slowly and carefully caressing her damp, pink cheek. "I'll make you fall hopelessly and foolishly in love with me, all the while falling crazily and stupidly in love with you." A fresh set of tears start to trickle down her cheeks but I get to them before they could stain her shirt, a faint smile tugging at the corners of her lips.
Before I can even comprehend what is happening, Desiree pushes up from her seat and wraps her considerably smaller hands around my neck, soft, tear soaked lips colliding with my own in an instant.
"Will you catch me?" Desiree's hot breath comes out in small, rushed puffs, hitting my tear stained lips each time.
"Always."
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if you want something else sad to read, i've just started a new fic called 'before you go'
