𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐑𝐄 -Negan x Reader

•5•

"Dean, there were too many. Nobody saw them coming.", you tried reassuring him.

He was pacing back in forth in the thrown-together camp you all had made after losing everything and everyone in the raider attack. You both were bloodied and wounded. No one from either side made it out, save for you and him.

"I could've saved them.", he muttered.

"You did everything you cou-"

"No. I didn't. I was too busy trying to find you.", he interrupted, finally stopping and pointing a finger at you.

"If it wasn't for you, everybody would be alive.", he hissed.

You had no words. You thought maybe he was right, why did you make it out and not anyone else? Tears started to roll down your cheeks as you stared hopelessly into the fire.

"No, you don't get to do that, stop your fucking pity party. You don't get to sit there and feel sorry for yourself", he shouted.

You tried drying it up and putting on a brave face but that just made you break out into a sob. You had just lost everyone you cared about. You all had been a group since the beginning. Dean marched over to your side of the fire and crouched down in front of you. You looked at him through teary eyes, trying to pull yourself together. He shook his head in disapproval and then smacked you as hard as he could across the face. Pain seared through your right cheek. He had never done anything like that before. You were in shock. Your eyes met his, looking for an explanation. He shook his head and smiled wickedly.

"You should've killed me right here."

You jolt awake, the vivid nightmare bringing you from your much-needed sleep. You don't know why you keep having these flashbacks and nightmares, but you wish they would stop. You're still sitting upright on the cot, head leaned on the wall. Daylight just beginning to break, and you had got maybe about two hours or less of sleep. That was way more than you were expecting to get. The throbbing of your throat seemed to subside overnight though it still hurt. Your hands still have some dried blood on them even after picking at them throughout the night. You hear the door being unlocked which causes you sit up straight and watch intently as it swings open with a loud whine. Negan steps in the doorway, eyes scanning you. He's in that leather jacket and white Tshirt with jeans and black boots. His face is unreadable. You feel your breath get caught in your throat.

"C'mon let's get you cleaned up.", he offers.

You slowly make your way over to him, trying to keep your head down as you pass him in the doorway. You're close enough to feel the warmth coming off of him and smell notes of his cologne. You make it out into the hallway and find it empty. Your eyes trail to the chair where you assume Dwight has been sitting.

"Where's Dwight?", you ask hoarsely.

"I sent him to take the day off when I got here.", he tells you as he shuts the door.

You stand awkwardly and wait for him to give you direction.

"I'm going to take you to your old room so you can get your things and then I'll take you to get your shower.", he explains, gesturing for you to lead the way.

Why him? Does he not have better things to do?

You simply nod as you start down the hall, heavy boot steps following. You're nervous to see the place you called home in such disarray. You don't remember how you left it, all you seem to recall is glass and blood.

I'm probably getting moved to the commons. I wonder if I can get a bed close to Rita. Oh fuck, poor Rita. She's all alone at work today. I should see if I can go to work. It's all we can do to try to keep our heads above water when there's two of us. I can't leave her to do it all by herself.