𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐑𝐄 -Negan x Reader

•29•

There are a few moments the next morning that provide tranquility in your brain. Just as you stir from what little sleep you managed to get. Not long after opening your eyes though, it all plays in your head again, shooting a hole through your chest.

You can deal with the emotional part.
Suppressing and masking have always been a part of your skill set. It's the physical pain. Your chest throbs with heartbreak. The headache alone makes you want to rip your head off of your shoulders. Your limbs ache. You begin to wonder if you could die from a broken heart.

Amid your night of despair, other details from the day prior ran their course. You had remembered Tyler saying that Negan wanted you two off early. Not only did he cheat on you, but he did it with malice. He wanted you to catch them. You had spent some of the night wondering what you had done to make him want to hurt you so badly.

You roll out of Dwight's bed and find him sitting on the couch, smoking a cigarette. When you rise to your feet, his eyes glue to you, scanning your face and landing on your puffy eyes. You pad over to the couch and sit down on the other side. He extends the newly lit cigarette out to you which you accept, whispering a groggy 'thank you'.

"You don't have to go to work today. I've got Henry filling in for you.", he tells you.

You take a long drag and hold it on for a brief moment, stirring on whether or not you want to leave the room and risk seeing Negan.

"I'm not going to let him think it bothers me that bad. I'm going.", you blow the smoke out.

"Well, I should also tell you that he's still actively trying to find you. He talked about going out to the cabin to see if you ran back there.", Dwight informs you.

Taking another hit, you begin to feel as if your dignity has been stripped away.

Does he really think that of me? That I would run away because he cheated on me? What am I? 16? It's fucking embarrassing if that's how he sees me.

"Let him find me. We got work to do.", you say, grabbing your bag and heading into the bathroom to get dressed.

-

You decided on his favorite outfit. The black, low-cut shirt and a tight pair of dark wash jeans. You hope it has the same effect on him as it does the wandering eyes of the men you stride past in the compound. With your chin held high, you smile subtly back at the passers-by who wave hello to you.

Thinking about laying your eyes on him is enough to make you want to vomit. But you can't let him see you down. You're going to look your best and plaster the widest smile on your face even though your chest bears a giant gaping hole.

I just won't look at him. I'll pretend like he's not there. I can do this.

You follow Dwight to the buffet of breakfast food. He grabs a plate and begins to fill it. You stand idly by his side, trying to push the memories of breakfasts at the cabin away from your mind.

"Are you sure you don't want anything? I don't think you ate yesterday.", Dwight asks as he finishes piling his plate with eggs, bacon, and toast.

"I'll just throw it up.", you tell him quietly over the bustle of the common area.

Thankfully, he doesn't argue. Instead, he leads you to one of the less crowded tables. Men laugh loudly and talk with bits of food falling from their mouths. You cross your legs and begin to pick at your hands under the table. The pain from the pinching the skin distracts you from the feeling in your chest.

"Do you still want to walk the perimeter instead of the tower?", Dwight asks, swallowing a helping of eggs.

You nod. Sitting at the top of that tower all day with nothing to do but think would be torment. One of the men on the other end of the table bangs his fist down and proceeds to let a cackle, causing you to jump at the sudden noise. You notice Dwight's eyes glued to something across the room, but you don't dare turn around.