𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐑𝐄 -Negan x Reader

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Your eyes flutter open but the heaviness of your lids only allow a weak squint. The star-spattered night sky zips by. Soft humming fills your ears. Your head rocks against the car window with each bump in the road. Using all the strength you can muster, you roll your head to the side. The lights on the dash shine a pale illumination across Dwight's features as he hums the tune to a song you don't recognize.
Your eyes flick down to your hands which have proven to be completely inoperable. A rope binds your wrists together painfully tight. It's not long before you're out again.

-

"Hey, hey wake up.", the softness of the voice almost lulls you into a false sense of safety.

You're more aware this time around, the drugs having been completely worn off. You find Dwight crouched in front of you, holding a bowl of oatmeal. It doesn't take long for the rage to fester.

"You need to eat.", Dwight tells you, extending the spoonful of mushy oats in your face.

You attempt to move every limb of your body but it's in vain. You're bound to a chair in what you believe to be an abandoned motel room. The fear now overrides the anger.

"Where are we?", your voice shakes as your eyes scan the room rapidly.

"Not sure, I passed a few signs that said 'Abingdon' but that was a while back from here.", he explains nonchalantly.

Not knowing of a town named Abingdon, you know he drove throughout the night. It could be a week's journey back home on foot.

"How long are we going to be here?", you ask carefully.

His brows furrow together slightly as he shakes his head like you should've already known the answer.

"We're not going back. Here, eat.", he extends the spoon farther out, almost shoving it into your mouth.

"Take me back.", you demand as softly as you can muster but it still comes off as harshly as you truly mean it.

Red blotches cloud your vision as he shakes his head once again, pulling the spoonful of oatmeal away from your mouth.

"I know you're mad but it wasn't supposed to be this way. Everything's fine now. We're just going to tour the country. Well, what's left of it. You hated it there. Now you're free, you can be happy.", Dwight beams with a wide smile.

As you look into his eyes, once full of emotion and life, you notice how dead and empty they are now. Even with the brightest smile you've ever seen on his face, he couldn't look more terrifying. This isn't Dwight. Not the one you know at least.

"Why did you do this?", your voice is strained, and tears threaten to well in your eyes.

The realization that Dwight has literally lost his mind and that you may not get back home hits you like a freight train. Your mind is spinning so fast that you begin to think it might pop off your body. Dwight places the bowl of oatmeal down onto the dust-coated dresser and crosses his arms over his chest, looking to the floor before back at you.

"Why have I ever done anything for you?", he answers your question with his own.

You can't even begin to form a coherent thought. It all starts getting to you; the restraints, being kidnapped, not knowing where you are. The parallels between Dwight and Wayne become more apparent, causing your body to panic. The air rapidly inflates and deflates from your lungs. It doesn't seem to feel as if you're getting oxygen. Your throat tightens and the burning of your lungs turns to an inferno. Dwight's eyes widen upon seeing the tomato red of your face and hearing your strained gasps.

"What's wrong? Can you breathe?", he asks frantically.

He quickly rounds the chair and the sound of sharpened steel sawing rope rings through the air over the sound of your gasps. First, your legs pop free and, shortly thereafter, your hands. You fall into the floor, crawling away from the chair. Slowly, the air begins to fill your lungs and the tightness of your throat loosens. The lightheaded sensation falters just as quickly. He's down at your side almost immediately, rubbing your back. Your skin crawls under his touch.

"Are you okay? Is that better?", his words are sopping with worry and a twinge of guilt.

You don't answer. Your throat is still too constricted for a response. Some of the vital parts of your brain still seem to work because it doesn't take long for you to look for an escape. About two seconds of planning proves to fall short. Taking a few deep breaths, without warning, you shoot up from the floor, colliding your elbow with Dwight's unsuspecting face on the way up.
He falls back into the floor, groaning and clutching his nose. You scramble to the motel room door, only to find it padlocked from the inside. You jerk and pull at the handle to no avail. Taking the lamp from the beside nightstand, you launch it at the window with everything you have. Only to break the lamp in the process. Arms wrap around you tightly, pulling your body away from the window. You scream and sob as you're thrown onto the bed face first. Duct tape is quickly bound to your wrists behind your back. Your pleas and sobs are ignored as you realize that was probably your first and last chance at an escape.

"Why?", he yells, keeping you pinned to the bed by your wrists.

The stream of tears fall from your face and pleat onto the floral blue duvet. Only sobs escape your lips.

"Why would you do that?", he screams, pushing your farther into the bed.

Your body shakes with fear, threatening to throw itself into another panic attack. He wouldn't be so quick to untie you now so you do your best to calm down. He leans down, body pressing into yours. His fingers loop around the hair sprawled over your face. He brushes them behind your ear. His face now comes into view. Blood trickles from his nostrils, coating his mustache. Some of the red substance is smeared across the scar. His eyes soften slightly seeing you in such a distraught state.

"He wouldn't do this for you.", Dwight tells you.

He takes his thumb and wipes a fallen tear from your cheek. You writhe under the sickly feeling of his callused touch. Bile threatens to make its journey up your throat.

"He doesn't love you the way I do."

He uses his free hand to smooth your hair back, petting you like you're some sort of frightened animal.

"It might take weeks or months. Hell, maybe even years, but you'll feel the same way for me. You'll fall for me.", he explains calmly, like he's imagined it a million times over.

You want to fight him. You want to scream and kick and tell him just how fucking crazy he is. But you don't. You need to earn his trust back, bide your time to make your escape.

"I see the way you look at me. I know you're still in love with him and that's the only reason you're not with me. He just snaked himself in before I could when you killed Dean.", anger threatens to boil under his words.

He continues to stroke your hair lovingly, blood tricking from his nose, dotting the duvet when it falls. You focus on that. His blood blotting the bed, imagining how much will fall from him when you get the opportunity to kill him.

"You know, I used to watch you guys together. At the compound. Even at the cabin before you told me where it was. I would watch through the windows. Your eyes would light up every time you looked at him. I could see your skin tingling when he would run his hands over your body. I used to wonder how soft your lips felt under his.", he confesses.

Your eyes widen and the blood in your veins runs cold. Had he really watched you from the cabin? Had he seen what you and Negan got up to behind closed doors? How long has he been watching you?

"I used to imagine it was me. Pathetic, I know, but I wanted you. I wanted you to look at me like that. I wanted you to touch me the way you touched him. I wanted you to love me like you loved him."

You close your eyes, trying to block out the sound of his voice. The panic attack is now on the verge of coming back tenfold. 

In and out.

You repeat the mantra over and over, guiding the air to and fro, in and out of your lungs.

"I have you now. I know you're mad. But that will be us. I don't have to want you anymore. You're going to love me, way more than you ever did him."

In and out.

In and out.

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Sorry I lied, I'm a day late updating lol
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