Love Affair

Seven

Niamh Horan - 2:38am, April 22 2019

Flying to Ireland never gets any easier.

It's anxiety inducing, my knee bounces for the almost seven hours we spend in the air, unable to relax or sleep just on high alert. I'm not even a nervous flyer, it's all because I'm going home and I don't know how it'll go.

Expect the unexpected is what Niall always tells me, that my brain jumps to the worst conclusion so I should expect a good outcome. He always reminds me that my mother won't be as nasty as she has been in the past because she wants to keep us around, all because Niall has money.

I know she'll make digs at my outfits, how my hair looks or comment on the work I've had done on my face. She's very judgmental about the fact I have my lips done and some work on my nose, neither of them made a big change to my face just made me more confident in areas I was self conscious about.

It sucks that she's never been supportive of any decision I've made in my life, not even marrying Niall because apparently I was too young, reckless and the marriage would end in divorce.

Everything that left her mouth when I was younger, I believed. She'd insult me in the subtlest ways and slowly knocked every ounce of my confidence away, I think that's why I now have spent time learning who I actually am.

Niamh Horan is a very different person to Niamh Murphy, it's like my whole mindset and love for my own body changed. I found different loves, passions and hobbies with Niall encouraging me to do anything I wanted no matter how out there and random it was.

Everyone deserves a person like Niall, a supportive, kind human who wants nothing but the best for you.

We've flown on his private plane, being able to cuddle up on the sofa under blankets like we were simply relaxing at home. Niall's a nervous flyer, wanting to be touching me at all times which I don't mind at all but he slept for most of the flight.

We arrived in Ireland at night, quite late but the time difference to New York is definitely going to be hard. When we arrive at my mums we'll be going straight to bed so I don't have to worry too much about talking to my mum and brother until the morning, it's slightly relieving.

There was an hour drive between the airport and Mullingar which Niall drove instead of getting a taxi or train, it was just easier because then we had a car for the week we're spending here. I wanted to sleep on the drive but physically couldn't, I focused on breathing to keep myself relaxed while Niall reassured me.

"Keep taking deep breaths, when we get there we can go straight up to bed. I'm sure your mum will greet us at the door but she'll want to be in bed, it'll be okay." He tries to soothe me, squeezing my thigh as he turns down the street my childhood home is on.

"I'm stressing she's going to upset me the second we get there." I admit even though he already knows that, gaining sight of the house I grew up in and seeing how some lights are on.