State Of Grace

Chapter 9 - Champagne Problems

Gracie blinked hard, forcing tears out of her eyes, hoping when she opened them, the man hovering above her would be gone.

John had vanished, and Jason reappeared but she couldn't help herself from pushing him away. She stood up, realizing what had just happened. She looked around, people had started staring at her, but they made no eye contact. Did they fear she might turn on someone else next?

The music had stopped, people whispered, and a group of senior girls were giggling with each other, there wasn't a person in the room who wasn't judging her.

"Are you okay?" Jason asked, he looked genuinely worried. "Did I hurt you?"

"I'm fine," Gracie lied, pretending tears weren't streaming down her face, "Um- I'll be right back," she sped away from the dance floor, away from the dozens of other teenagers who were watching her.

She went out into the hall to find Riley who was talking to her friends. For a moment, she hovered nearby, unsure if she should bother her. But an instinct took over, and she grabbed Riley's arm, pushed past the line of people waiting to go into the bathroom, and shut the door behind them.

"Gracie? What's wrong?" Riley asked. Gracie was trying her best to calm down.

"I had- I don't know, I had this flashback thing," she paced back and forth, trying to shake the anxiety from her body and out through her fingertips. "We fell, we were dancing and we fell. And he was on top of me and then, it happened so fast, but I saw him."

John's image flashed across her brain again, she banged the side of her head with her fist to try and get rid of it.

"Okay, okay, calm down," Riley grabbed her foster sister by the shoulders and made her sit down on the floor. She emptied the beer from her cup and filled it with water to give to Gracie. "It happens, but it will go away with time. You're safe here. That guy you were with, he's not him."

Gracie shuddered, "Right."

"He's in my grade, he's a sweetheart. You can trust him," she said as Gracie nodded along, taking deep breaths. "Do you want me to drive you home?" Riley's hand gently stroked Gracie's arm.

"No," Gracie answered, "No, I should stay. I should talk to him, I just left him out there," she dabbed her tears away with the sleeve of her dress, being careful not to smudge the makeup that Maia had spent so long perfecting.

"Just take a minute to calm down," Riley held Gracie's hands and they sat in silence until her tears subsided, her heart slowed down and she was breathing normally.

Gracie was well aware that John couldn't come near her again, but the panic of feeling someone's body on top of hers was enough to send her into a tailspin. She barely knew Jason, but so far he was sweet and he made her laugh, she did feel safe with him. It was just a moment of panic.

As she breathed deeply, taking small sips of water, Gracie thought of Rachel again. The girl Gracie spent weeks thinking about had been at the doorstep only hours ago, and here Gracie was getting it on with someone else. Not just anyone, but a boy.

Sexuality didn't much matter to Gracie, but she just wished she knew what she was, so maybe she could understand it. Gay, bisexual, pansexual, there were so many terms to think about. All she knew was that she liked Rachel and she liked Jason. She liked Jason enough to stay at a party after having a panic attack.

"Hey, sorry about that," Gracie said to Jason as she returned to the living room where the music was pounding louder than her heart. "I'm not much of a party-goer," she confessed.

"Yeah, you don't strike me as one," Jason said with a smile that washed away Gracie's anxiety.

They both poured another drink — Gracie's was probably a lot stronger than she could handle 一 and went back outside to the swing. A few others had joined them, some of them were Jason's friends from the soccer team, Gracie would have been so nervous if she wasn't getting more drunk by the minute. Jason had his arm around her, holding her close, her head on his shoulder. When the other kids turned away for a moment, he pulled her in for more kisses that made Gracie feel like they were the only two people in the world.