State Of Grace

Chapter 15 - Dear John

In the week leading up to the trial, Jason had been nothing short of wonderful to Gracie. He had no idea what she was about to go through, but he could tell something was on her mind. What he didn't realize was that his kindness only made her feel worse for lying to him. But she couldn't tell him that, that would mean she'd have to come clean about Rachel, and she wasn't ready.

Jason wasn't the only one that Gracie was deceiving, she'd had to lie to the Tuckers about where she was going when she met up with Rachel. Gracie decided to confirm to Sarah and Riley that she had ended her relationship with Rachel and wanted to move forward with Jason, that's what they thought anyway, so why not let them believe it? Luckily, they didn't see sexuality in the same black-and-white way that Danny had seemed to. As ashamed as she was about all the lies, she was just glad she could spend time with her girlfriend without anyone interfering.

With Rachel at her side, Gracie felt like she could be her complete and honest self without any judgment. It wasn't that she couldn't be herself with the Tuckers if she wanted to, but there was always an underlying fear that if she said the wrong thing, she'd be kicked out of their home. Of course, Rachel didn't know that her girlfriend had a boyfriend. Every time Gracie saw Jason she promised herself she would break up with him, but she would always get cold feet when she saw how happy he was, putting it off for as long as she could. For now, things were going as well as she could hope.

There were less than twenty-four hours until the trial. Last night was the final strategy meeting with Janice, who was confident that they were prepared for anything thrown their way. Gracie however, was only getting more nervous, her stomach was in knots, and now and then she would get a sharp shooting pain, but she ignored it. At ten o'clock tomorrow morning, she'd be sitting in a courtroom with a jury full of strangers while her attacker attempted to plead his innocence.

As the sun started to set, Gracie set off to the beach to meet with Rachel one last time before the trial began. The blonde girl was sitting on the deck of the lifeguard tower waiting for Gracie, and when she saw her, her nerves vanished. She truly felt she could do anything with Rachel believing in her, she only wished she could be in court tomorrow, but Mary had made it crystal clear that if Rachel turned up at the courthouse, there would be consequences.

Rachel, much like Jason, had been so supportive. At first, Gracie was grateful, but as they sat on the beach, she felt the urge to come clean. How could she expect Rachel's support if she wasn't being honest?

"I need to tell you something," Gracie took a breath, "You're not going to like it, but before I tell you, you need to know how much you mean to me."

"Gracie, you're freaking me out," Rachel said, "What is it?"

"I'm falling in love with you," Gracie confessed as her eyes filled with tears.

Rachel smiled, "Gracie, I-" she tried to return the sentiment.

"That's not it," she took another breath, "I'm falling in love with you. And I think you're falling in love with me too, so I can't let this go any further without telling you the truth," both girls were shaking, "Last week, Jason asked me to be his girlfriend. And since then, I guess I've been sort of using him," she admitted, hating what she'd done to him, what she was still doing. "I'm not ashamed of you, or my sexuality, I'm just not ready to come out to everyone. But I promise you, I'm going to end it with him. It's not fair to you, and I'm so so sorry."

Rachel didn't say anything. She just stared at Gracie, a quizzical look on her face as she tried to figure out how to respond, "Okay," she said simply, "I trust you, if you say it means nothing then I believe you."

"Seriously? You're not mad?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"I know what it's like to be in the closet, if you're not ready then I completely understand," her response was the best Gracie could have hoped for, but something about her tone seemed off. She didn't question it though, she was just relieved that Rachel still wanted her. "And I am."