Scarred Hands | Poetry collection | Versification

5 | hateful changes

February 28th, 2023.
Unkown time.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A stream of words inside me
changed it's direction;
What was meant to fall from my lips,
Now flows towards my overflowing heart.

Every morning, I awake with a dull ache.
Every time I drag my body out of bed,
The realization taunts me;
I am only a figment, I'm not who I used to be.
Would anyone bother to steal a glance at me?

Breakfast tastes the same;
Eggs: salty, and toast crisp.
But when I climb down the stairs,
- two at a time -
It hits me hard, then I realize;
I am not myself anymore.

My eyes won't glance at the blue blue sky.
And I forget to roll down the window in every car ride;
So when the wind comes and teases my hair,
It comes as a surprise, provokes a fear;
Where is the girl I used to be,
What will become of me?

When I speak to the girl on my right,
I have to remind myself, she's not my ally;
Just someone to share a joke with, or a lie.
She's not a friend; does not want to be.

My body is even no longer mine;
What has become of it, I want to hide.
Curves and bumps tucked in, but always feared, if anyone saw, would they care?
My fluctuating weight, a looming fear;
Will I come to hate the food that I love today?

Every night, I lay awake with a dull ache.
Every time I drag my body in bed,
The realization taunts me;
I am only a figment, I'm not who I used to be.
Would anyone bother to steal a glance at me?

Any skill I had has left my hand,
How it happened, I don't understand.
All I know is when I try to write,
The blank page taunts, my lips shright.
Where has it gone? My skill, my talent;
Is sanity going to leave me as well?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------