In the Wake of the War

Chapter-24

Arjun stood in front of the chambers that had been given to Radha and Adhirat Sushen, with his heart hammering in his throat and feeling like he was going to throw up.

He knocked on the door with a trembling hand.

"Come in." Radha called out.

Arjun opened the door, feeling like he was entering a forbidden place. For the first time he properly took in the old couple who he had only glimpsed with Karna sometimes.

The old woman gasped upon seeing him and shot to her feet immediately. Her husband got up at a more sedate pace and placed a hand on her shoulder as if to calm her.

"What can we do for you Rajkumar?" Adhirat asked.

Arjun awkwardly took a seat across from them and bit his lips. He couldn't understand what to say, how to speak. He didn't even understand how to address the couple standing in front of him. Usually people who were so much older were addressed as Mata or Baba with respect, but he couldn't help but feel that it might be highly inappropriate on this occasion, considering.... well.... everything.

He decided to try avoiding addressing them as anything at all.

He opened and closed his mouth, feeling like a fish but unable to vocalise any words. Radha stared at him rather intensely and Arjun found himself unable to hold her gaze.

"I--I just...I wanted to... to apologise." He somehow managed to choke out.

When no response was forthcoming, suddenly he found words bubbling over in his desperation. 

"I am really, really sorry, about--about everything and I know that apologies do absolutely nothing but-- you have to believe me-- I did not know-- I didn't, if I had I would have never-- "

Adhirat raised a hand to cut off his babbling.

"Are you offering personal apologies to all those parents who have lost their children in the war?"

Arjun blinked. "I-- no that's... not really possible--"

"Then to the families of all the war generals?"

"No--"

"Then why offer it to us? We are not special."

Arjun stared at them.

"You know why. You know." He said, voice cracking.

Radha finally spoke. "Would you have come and apologised to us if my Radheya had not turned out to be your eldest brother?"

Arjun felt silent. That question again. He had been wondering that himself, since he realised that Bhrata Bheema didn't regret killing their cousins like he did the King of Anga.

"I don't know." He admitted honestly. "I would like to think that I might have, but in reality, probably not." It shamed him, but it was true.

"Then don't apologise now. It won't mean anything if you wouldn't have done it without the knowledge you have now. What you have come to know after the war... well. You did not know it during the war. You killed your enemy, even though.... it wasn't quite fairly..." she clearly couldn't help but add, but that was only understandable and after all, the truth. Arjun wished the ground would swallow him up.

Adhirat picked up where his wife had trailed off. "You killed our son who was your greatest enemy on the battlefield. You also killed our grandsons who were your enemy as well. If you wouldn't have apologised for killing your enemies, then don't come apologise now, simply because you have the knowledge that they were your brother and nephews."