If I jumped

Chapter 1

"How are you feeling?" mom asked when she opened the door to my messy room. "Same as yesterday", I replied, staring at the ceiling, I hadn't slept. "You need to get up in ten minutes, we need to get to the therapist's office in time", mom said before shutting the door and leaving me alone.

I forced myself up and put on a hoodie that had been lying on the floor for weeks. I hadn't felt like cleaning, I never did. I turned off the dim red LED lights and left my room. "Honey, could you at least brush your hair?" mom asked when she saw my puffy eyes and pale skin. "Could you do it?" I replied, my arms were too weak to do anything. "Sure", mom's smile was trying to cover her concern but I could see through it.

Without my mom I wouldn't be here anymore, she helped me with everything and tried to understand me. I heard her crying one night, the night I got kicked out of high school. Too many absences the principal had said. I couldn't do anything about it, I couldn't get up no matter how hard I tried.

"Mary Margaret, have you seen my keys?", my father's voice echoed from the kitchen. "They are here on the living room table", mom replied while brushing my golden blonde hair. My father peaked out of the kitchen and smiled. "Look who's up, morning Emma", dad said. I forced a light smile on my face when he reached for the keys. "David, if you don't leave right now you will be late", mom glanced at him. David looked at his wristwatch and almost gasped. "You're right, I need to go" David kissed my forehead and ran out of the front door. "We should be going too", mom said.

The car ride was cold, our car was old but we didn't have the money for a better one, not until my dad would get a pay raise. "Here we are. Is it okay if I go to the grocery store while you are here? I promise to be back before your session ends" mom asked. I nodded quietly and got out of the car.

Winter had surprised all of us, it was the one thing that still made me hold on to hope. I loved the cold air flying through my hair. Mom waved at me while reversing out of the parking lot and heading towards the store.

I took a deep breath before stepping inside the mental health department of Storybooks hospital. "Good morning", a bright-voiced woman said to me. "Morning", I replied shortly. "What's your name?" the lady asked. "Emma Swan." The woman typed something on her computer before looking back at me. "You can go and sit over there, you will be invited by last name when your therapist is ready to see you", she pointed at a row of empty seats. I nodded, walked to the chairs, and sat down.

It was my first time in therapy and if I could decide it would be the last time. I had seen over ten doctors, all of them said the same: "It's part of this age, you need to do yoga and eat healthy food."

I had tried yoga, I was a vegetarian, and didn't eat sweets, but still, I was miserable and couldn't get out of bed most days. The plastic seat under me was cold and made me shiver. The woman from the counter had walked out of my sight and it didn't seem that anyone else was coming to therapy this early in the morning.

"Swan", a firm woman's voice called for me and I rose up in seconds. I hadn't felt anything in weeks, maybe months but now my heart was beating, it wanted me to run away. I forced myself to walk towards this woman in her forties in a white coat and a black fitted dress.

She led me to a cozy-looking room with three armchairs. "You can sit down wherever you want to", she smiled. I sat down at the one closest to the door. "I'm doctor Regina Mills but you can call me Regina, I like that my patients can talk to me like a friend", Doctor Mills told me when she sat down in front of me. I didn't respond.

"Your mother called me, she said she's worried about your mental health", Regina continued. "I know, she's been worried for a long time", I replied quietly, looking at my hands, I couldn't get myself to face the doctor. "Do you have any hobbies?" she asked. "What? I mean no, I don't have any hobbies" I said. Why would she ask something like that? It didn't make any sense in my mind.

"Could you tell me why your mother is worried about you?" Regina asked. "I got kicked out of school because I can't get myself up from bed in the morning or the afternoon", a wave of shame pushed through my spine. "Have you been feeling depressed or sad a lot?"

"I haven't felt anything in a long time", I replied finally getting the courage to look at the therapist. She had kind brown eyes and beautiful raven black hair. "That's okay Emma. We are here to get you to feel again", Regina's voice played softly with my name. It made something lit up inside my chest.

An hour with Doctor Mills had flown by in a second. She hadn't made me feel yet but I had hope that maybe just maybe I could feel again. She was the first person in years that made me have hope for my future.

When Regina opened the door, I could see my mom waiting for me. "Could I change a few words with you, Ms. Swan?" the doctor asked. "Sure, this is going to take a little while", mom said to me and left me waiting. They didn't close the door so I could hear some of the things they were saying. First, it was the normal stuff, about my eating habits and how much I exercised. Then I heard the one thing I didn't want to hear.

"This could be just a phase, a lot of teens go through this and it passes by in a few months or a year. I scheduled another session for next week. A weekly session should help her to feel better", Regina's words sank into my chest. This wasn't a phase, it couldn't be, it can't be.