If I jumped

Chapter 8

My job at the library was easy, almost boring at times. I didn't get to be seated at the counter so usually I sat between two isles looking through my phone until someone would come in. "Emma?" Belle's voice called. I stood up and hid my phone in the pocket of my hoodie, walked to the counter and waited for Belle to give me something to do. "Could you clean the kids book isle? The twins scattered it all over the place again", Belle told me. I nodded and turned around. The children's isle was all the way on the other side of the library.  

I paused and turned back around. " Oh, I forgot, I have to leave before one", I said. "Why?" Belle asked. "I have a doctor's appointment", I lied, I didn't want to tell her about therapy, she didn't need to know everything. My feelings around Regina had grown more and more every time I had seen her, so much that I wasn't sure how to talk to her anymore. "Okay, how long will you be out?", she asked "About an hour and a half", I said, Belle nodded. 

I walked to the children's section, it looked like a tornado had brushed through it, books were everywhere, most of them on the floor, some on the sofas and the rest were hanging on the shelves. I started with the books on the floor, stacked them like small towers before finding each one its place. After that was done I cleaned the sofa area. One of the books had ripped pages in it, I closed it carefully and placed it aside. I took my phone from the pocket and looked at the clock, it was 12.20pm. I sighed and put the phone back in my pocket. 

After gathering and organizing all the remaining books I returned the broken one to the counter. "The twins broke one, again", I said landing it on the counter. "Have you ever seen them with a parent? This has to stop", I asked. "I haven't, but I agree. Next time they are here I will give them a little talk", Belle said, she took the book and looked through it with a sigh. "I can take it to the back, I need to leave soon anyway", I said. "Thank you, I'll order a new one after my coffee break", Belle said handing the book to me with a gentle smile. 

I walked to the back, placing the book at the pile of other broken children's books. It was the fifth in a week. I found my leather jacket and left through the back door. I had thirty minutes to get to the hospital, I looked around for a while, trying to find anything to spend my time on when I saw a pawn shop I hadn't been in before. *Maybe I could find something there* I thought. The bell rang as I opened the door and stepped inside. 

The shop smelled like old books. "Just a minute!" Someone yelled from the back. I looked around, most of the objects looked ancient. "Hello, can I help you?" asked a long haired man in a suit as he entered the shop from the back. "I'm just looking", I said. The man looked familiar. "Have we met before?" The man asked, like he had listened to my thoughts. "I think I've seen you at Granny's", I say not sure if it was true or not. "That's possible, if you need any help just call for Mr. Gold, I will be at the back", he said before vanishing. 

I walked around the shop, looking at the different objects, a barrel of swords, a baby mobile with glass unicorns and a big windmill all caught my eye as odd. I had expected jewelry and silverware. Every item was very expensive too, they must have been really old and valuable. 

The clock hit 12.45 when I left the shop and headed for the hospital, I knew I would be a few minutes early again but I didn't mind. I found myself back in the center of Storybrooke before I turned to the hospitals' direction. Getting lost once had been enough for me, I preferred safe and familiar routes to everywhere.

"Hello", A familiar woman said to me at the hospital counter. "Hi", I said and sat down on the seat I always sat at. No one else was sitting in the waiting area, no one ever was. Sometimes I had wondered if Regina really had any other clients. "Emma Swan", Regina's voice sent shivers down my spine and I got up as fast as I could. "Come in", her smile charmed me immediately.

"How have you been?" Regina asked when I sat down. "Good", I replied, staring at her lips. Regina sensed something wasn't right, I could see it in her expression. "Be honest, how are you?" She asked again, a demanding tone in her voice that made my heart pound faster. "The job is taking most of my time, it's pretty boring most of the time but at least I get paid", I said trying to keep my breath steady and my tone relaxed. "That's not what I asked, Emma", only hearing her say my name made me shiver. "You are here to talk about your feelings, could you please do that", Regina continued when I didn't respond. 

*My feelings. I can't tell her what I feel, I could never tell* I thought. "I'm feeling..." I trailed off. " Emma, is everything okay?" Regina asked, leaning towards in her chair. I wanted to scream out all of my feelings, all of my thoughts, thoughts about her and me. "Everything is great", I forced the words out of my mouth. "I don't believe you, there's something you aren't telling me", she replied. 

"I- I have feelings for this one person and can't do anything about it and it's eating me not to be able to tell her that I like her", I finally broke. Regina's face looked stunned, she didn't know what to say. "Why can't you tell her?" she asked, adjusting her position. "It would ruin everything, I know she doesn't like me back, she would never like me back", I replied. I couldn't back down anymore, I had to go through this without her figuring it out. "I see, does she make you feel uncomfortable around her?" Regina asked, I felt like crying. "Sometimes", I replied shoving my head into my hands, trying to hide my tears. "Here, it's okay to cry", Regina handed me a tissue, I nodded and took it from her hand, our fingers touching for a millisecond. 

"I see this is something you've been dealing for a while, is there any way you could get some space from her?" Regina asked. "You could tell her that you have a lot of stress, that it would be best to not see her for a while", she suggested. "No! I don't want space, I want to be with her no matter what!", I didn't mean to yell and covered my mouth. "I think that I'm in love with her", I admitted quietly, my heart trying to escape my chest. I hadn't admitted that to myself either, I didn't want to be in love with her. "You should be honest with her, she has the right to know if you have such big feelings", Regina said, not even mentioning the rise in my voice. "I am being honest with you", the words escaped my mouth before I realized what I did.